Waiting.

A week ago, we brought my grandpa to the local Hospice Care facility. I hadn’t ever been to one before, and I have to say, it’s an impressive place. It’s comfortable to be here and the medical staff are incredibly accomodating.That said, my grandpa is quite miserable. He wants nothing more than be through with the process of dying, and that’s not very easy to watch. We want it for him too. Which is a strange, unnatural thing to actually WANT for anyone, particularly a relative.He asked to be taken back home in the middle of this past week and we tried it for one night before realizing that taking care of him at this stage was just too much work for folks untrained in nursing. It’s truly ROUND the clock. My grandma didn’t want to take him back to Hospice, but it seems the best choice.Kim and I have had the most flexibility in our schedules so we’ve been trying to help out with caring for him as needed, but more so, for my grandma. She’s incredibly strong. She hasn’t slept in her own bed for a week now. She’s tired, but you don’t see it. She’s dedicated to staying by his side for the duration. The rest of us have taken turns staying with her through the day and through the night.I’m writing at this moment, in the “family room” area at the center, and it’s pure escapism. I can hardly find motivation or focus to work on the other responsibilities that constitute the “regular life.” We don’t know at all how much longer he has left. And now that an entire week’s past and we’re so used to being here, it’s hard for me to imagine doing anything else. Especially because my grandma is going to stay put through it. She leaves for one hurried hour each day to run home or some other errand.Tonight, my sister and I are staying here–at least for a while. I think my parents will be here too. Obviously, they’ve got internet access, and I think we’ll order a pizza in a little while. But in the meanwhile, we’ll just be here. Waiting.

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