“Eric’s Great Awakening”
A lot has changed for me and Kim in the past month or so. I have written the entire story here but won’t make you skim to the end to get the “goods.” The CRUX of the matter is:
Kim and I have decided to uproot and go to work full-time for Kingdom Building Ministries in Denver, Colorado!
We’re both looking to fill positions on staff and join the team. As we’ve been considering this, I’ve been asked “what are you going to do?” For me, it’s extending the reach of KBM by producing content in the form of DVD, CD, Web, and Print. I have a LOT to learn, but being able to focus all of my attention on ONE client’s MANY projects will be a shift! It’s just become VERY apparent as KBM has grown, that they’re in NEED of such materials, if they’re going to broaden their impact. Ultimately, the past 20 years has been EXCLUSIVELY experiential: others attend a talk of an Itinerant or attend The Laborer’s Institute–both of which are seasonal or short term sorts of involvement. And the things I’ll help produce will assist others in continuing their journey.
Kim’s also joining on, though it’s not AS clear to what she’ll be doing specifically yet. We’re fairly certain now that it’s just a matter of her needing to have the proximity that I’ve been priviliged to as a vendor for KBM the past 5 years.
Just this past weekend we attended “Ichthus 2005″ with them in Wilmore, KY. KBM had 3 of their Itinerant Speakers at the event: Jeremy Kingsley, Dave Ward, and for the Saturday Night Keynote, Adrian Despres. It was a phenomenal experience, with both Kim and I being able to be up close and personal with the team. God worked through their talks to speak into the lives of a number of kids and adults. It’s funny–a former pastor of ours who’s at a different church now, sent a mass email (we’re on her list) giving a comprehensive report on how the entire event affected her youth AND the adult chaperones. MANY of her group made first time commitments to Christ — including adults!!! And she cited Adrian’s talk as the catalyst for those decisions.
One ultimate thing I’ve needed to get honest with is that I don’t write PASSIONATELY on my site about filmmaking, screenwriting, Macintoshes, etc. The last 2 months plus has been about seeing that there is a VAST need for change in the church. And I’ve needed to own up to the fact that God wants me to be a part of it–specifically at KBM.
KBM has been a client of mine for nearly 5 years now, and as some of you know, I’ve considered a move in their direction before. Well, the time is right, and so is my heart–finally. That story is what follows:
WANDERING
One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re in the middle of the desert. The first thing that’ll tip you off is just how THIRSTY you are. Then you’ll notice the bleak surroundings. You’ll spend some time wondering & worrying, being dumbfounded about how you got here. But that’s one thing–the anxiety of how to get OUT of it is another. Depressed, you finally encounter the realization that you’re utterly alone in this. And you wouldn’t believe me even if I told you while looking you in the eye, but all of these things are good. Blessedly good.
Of course, that’s easy to say for one once they arrive in terra nova. And these days, I feel I’m a man who’s taken a step out off the parched earth and into lush Kentucky bluegrass. I’m leaving My Desert. And it IS good. Blessedly good.
How do I finally write what I’ve been putting off for some time? I HAVE been crazy busy the past 4 weeks with work. Aside from that, I’m hesitant to “proclaim” that I’m in a new chapter of my life. I don’t want to be wrong. And the single superstitious bone inherited from my grandmother tells me “don’t jinx it!” But I feel more strongly about those things INTERNAL than EXTERNAL. And for that, I can say, I Am New.
I had a series of FORTUNATE events this past month. I’ll try to tell them in a helpful way.
Some eagle-eyes will have noticed that my “Résumé” went into the sidebar over on the right in the past month. And speculation be true–I’m closing my business. In March I sent résumés to Apple, Google, Yahoo!, and many other businesses in the SF Bay Area. Likewise, I was dog-earing open opportunities in select markets trailing back to humble Indiana. Honestly, I was casting to the west coast and trolling back home, hoping I’d snag something OUT THERE before submitting the obligatory queries to places much closer to home.
I had sold Kim on the notion that we had ZILCH in options here in Columbus. We were getting by, but largely unhappy. And we didn’t want to sign up for another season just to end up back here again. So, I kept watching the big job sites for possibilities.
MONDAY
Then one night, during dinner, Kim was looking glum, and launched into a litany about being purposeless. I had heard it before, but this time it was different. You see, for the preceding 3 weeks, I had been chanting an inner mantra, “Find a job that lets you provide for your family and build into your future.” Not bad. In fact, honorable. I thought that meant a certain level of fiscal security. And when Kim said “I have no purpose” one more time, I thought, “Man. I have an obligation here. I can’t LET her feel this way.”
Uncharacteristically, I said, “let’s just stop and pray about it.” I launched into a generic prayer of sorts, and just asked God for MORE than what we had. I felt that was selfish, and quickly added, “I know it’s selfish, Lord, to ask for MORE when I haven’t even been CONTENT with what you’ve given me.
And that’s as far as I was able to get.
The word CONTENT literally CRUSHED me. I started to cry–WEEP like I had never before. I wasn’t CONTENT. I’m not talking “happy” or “joyful.” I’m talking CONTENT: graciously satisfied with what’s been given to you. I realized for the first time in FOREVER I was ABSOLUTELY discontent with EVERYTHING in my life. God, the church, my marriage, my job/business, where I lived, other relationships, EVERYTHING that mattered. I was being a brat of a child and oh, so NOT content. This realization made me feel awful. I couldn’t stop cataloguing ways being discontent was trickling down into consequences with serious gravity: my sin patterns, my failures as as husband, a friend, a Believer.
Even now it seems like such a small thing to screw up, and yet again a small thing to have such an emotional reaction to. Granted, for that seed to sprout THAT quickly, the soil around it had to have a certain consistency. And it did have those conditions or elements or whatever. The context of it was JUST RIGHT for me to be THAT impacted, convicted, and convinced that I was WRONG. That I had been acting selfishly for YEARS and letting this cataract obscure and distort my vision for way too long.
Eventually, the tears stopped, and there was my wife, my loving, beautiful wife, holding my hand and concerned for me. “What was THAT about?,” she asked. I told her I had NO idea other than what it was. That I felt TERRIBLY shameful for realizing what opportunity costs I had squandered by being DIScontent. I’m still trying to understand it. I may be skewed, over-reacting, etc. But I know one thing:
I recognize Eric Nentrup again for the first time in at LEAST 5 years. I make sense to myself once again, and boy, does that empower a person!
Well, that was only Monday, and a week full of OTHER discoveries followed. I woke up Tuesday morning and joined Kim for breakfast. She noticed something I had missed–I had a BLACK EYE. My left eye had broken blood vessels along the ridge of my eye socket. It was from crying so hard so long and rubbing my eyes. God have effectively cold-cocked me, and I had the shiner to show for it.
TUESDAY
I’ve been a video producer for Kingdom Building Ministries for nearly 5 years now. They were an early regular client for my business, and have stayed with me in one capacity or another through many changes on both sides of the fence.
Dave Ward, commenter here on my blog, but more notably a staff member and Itinerant Speaker, and MOST important to me, a dear friend of 10 years now, returned a call Tuesday afternoon. We had been working on some new projects and he was following up with me. Mid-conversation, he turns and asks me, “Why aren’t you out here, Eric?” Meaning, why wasn’t I on staff at KBM? Easily, I laid out my reasons which he summarized as follows: I don’t like the idea of asking people for their money to support me, I don’t want to go back into a box of Christian Ministry, and thirdly, I have ALL this bad business debt that I have to unload first.
Well, he dispelled the first two reasons quickly, and changed my opinions about those. The third one though was just too personal.
I started this business in late 1999 after NOT being able to get a job in Indianapolis because I lacked necessary experience. And I was too proud to start at the bottom. It’s true. And I assumed a LOT of debt to do this business. I’ve paid it down, refinanced, and taken on more, and would you believe that after 5.5 years, I am STILL carrying as much debt? Fortunately, I’ve always been able to pay it, but it seems I can’t unload it. And I have 4 more years on my lending note. So I’ve thought to myself that I’m TETHERED to it until I can pay it off entirely.
Dave asked me if I trusted God to provide for it. I said, sure, but He’s likely going to “provide” by giving me a strong back, so to speak. He argued with me. And then he won with a swift blow. He helped me realize that I was willing to trust God with something as SUBJECTIVE and unusual, if not plain WEIRD as providing “salvation” from my sins and offenses by dying on a cross for me, but that I didn’t trust that He could provide a specific dollar amount to free me from my business debt.
I had some serious cognitive dissonance here. I had to deal with it. Those two thoughts could NOT coexist in even contiguous lobes of my brain. They couldn’t exist in the same ZIP CODE for crying criminy. I realized that I not only had to ask God for his help in paying for my debt in the months ahead, but that I had to TRUST HIM TO PROVIDE FULLY. And so I started to cry again.
Earlier in the conversation Dave made a convincing appeal of WHY it made practical sense for me to be out there at KBM: my skills, my life-experiences to date, my tenure as a sub-contractor for them. He gave that starker contrast by nailing my struggles and frustration with my for-profit business. I’ve known for a LONG time I wasn’t a business man. And I’ve known for 2 years I needed out. But my contradictory (yet secularly logical) belief in having to finish the business (debt and all) first, kept me from doing something like this.
And I knew I was wrong.
WEDNESDAY
I had a meeting at a production company in Indianapolis. They had been courting me to be a freelance writer/producer, after my initial contact weeks before. We were simply meeting to keep the path well mowed, and to give me a chance to see their facilities. They were VERY imnpressive. I walked the halls looking into many a Macintosh-laden editing/designing room, feeling a bit at home–as I had found “my people.” My buttons were being pushed.
During the meeting, I told my contact that I likely wasn’t going to be around in the long term–that I was job-hunting. The meeting was good. But as I was pulling out of their parking lot, I absent-mindedly dialed Dave on my cell. I told him about the meeting I had just taken, and how cool their facility was. He immediately replied, “But you don’t feel like you’d have any purpose there, do you?” Without missing a beat, I answered with something like, “Not a bloody ounce.”
I had turned the corner. I was internalizing the lessons: that I had been WRONG, that I had NOT been content in heart, and that I wasn’t trusting God FULLY with my life and direction. I hadn’t been believing.
Truly believing God. And this is coming from someone who’s YET to receive the “proof” of that trust (which I KNOW I can only get by GOING). But I’m owning up to the fact that the biggest burden in my life is something I just cannot handle on my own. I’ve always been willing to carry it, but I learned recently that I’ve never been willing to fully let go of it.
John Howell’s been telling me “you got to let it go” an awful lot recently–particularly towards the Church. But, the ambiguity of that cliché was KILLING me. And now, I can confidently report to him that I have. I’ve let go of thinking I’ll eventually become a feature filmmaker if I just stay the course, that life was just plain hard and this is all there was, that I had to play the hand I’d been dealt and wasn’t allowed to consider anything else until the round was over.
I’ve let go of those things, realizing my true passion and calling in life takes those skills and puts them to use for bringing individuals into a closer relationship with Jesus, and in bringing the Church into a truer sense of their purpose and function. Now I was sure.
I know I cried at some point in the day.
THURSDAY
A day of rest. I was exhausted. But I still cried at some point again. I was fractured. Couldn’t contain the tears.
FRIDAY
Per Dave’s request, I talked to Rob Cupp, Exec. Director of HR at KBM, and told him about my week, and what I’d been learning. The conversation was VERY necessary. And we both knew what was ahead. Kim and I were supposed to be THERE.
I know I’ve not said much about her input throughout the week, but the thing is, SHE has been waiting on ME to get these things sorted out. She has been ready to go to KBM since I FIRST discovered a sense of magnetism towards the ministry. That was TWO BLOODY YEARS ago.
At the end of the day, I started dinner. I had three burners going when Kim got home that night, and asked me how my conversation went, I told her I was 99.9% certain we were supposed to move to Denver. We talked and talked. And I burned all three pots on the stove, including the peas!
SATURDAY
Those closest to me have called me restless, hyper, wired, fired-up, angry, fickle, selfish, cynical, bitter, thick-headed, moody, artsy-fartsy, just to name a few. I’ll own each one of those as part of my makeup at different times. Somedays I can keep those attributes in check, but most know that while I’m wrangling a handful of those traits, a couple run amok, painting me in anything but a desirable light. Thanks to my gracious friends who’ve put up with me, I can say I’ve been a downright ass on many occasions. Not the beligerrent, “sir you’re making a scene” customer in a restaurant, but certainly a charcoal cloud of nay-saying, frustation, and contradiction.
I’m sure it would be folly for me to say I’ll never feel those ways again, but how I had been directing those emotions and sentiments (let alone the sheer frequency and intensity) has changed.
Rudy was attending a weekend class at Asbury a few weeks ago. Concurrent with that was an outreach ministry taking place at Sandy Hook, where Kim and I WERE members up until a year-and-a-half ago. Rudy asked me if I’d take his place helping out. I didn’t think it a strange thing at all, I was helping Rudy, and my friend Bill who organized the event. The event itself is the occasional free oil change program they’ve been doing for sometime now. I’m all for practical service–it clicks with me more than a “public worship service” or hanging church invitations on doorknobs. So, I committed and showed up to get my hands dirty.
It was good to see the regulars I used to go there with: Bill, Jim, Chad, and others. It was also nice to meet some new fellas. But the thing I didn’t expect arrived in a mid-eighties Pontiac station wagon. Arrived may be too gentle a verb–more like “rolled in on fumes and grace.” I didn’t pay much attention to the vehicle (most that day were like that) or it’s driver until I saw Bill trying to desperately to understand this guy. I walked over and realized he was deaf. Bill quickly passed him off to me and we went inside where there was food for those who were waiting on their cars. He motioned for pen and paper. Though I hadn’t been to Sandy Hook in 16 months, I still knew where to forage for office supplies and helped myself.
The ensuing exchange of scribbles eventually revealed this guy had driven from the next county over for the free oil change and service he needed. But also that his ALSO deaf wife, and two daughters needed groceries and gas money to get through the weekend until they could cash their Social Security check on Monday. Instantly I knew one of my other hang-ups was being challenged. I had to give to this guy.
I cried while punching the keys at the ATM. I knew yet again I was in a new place, for just a few weeks prior, I had told Kim we couldn’t afford to support some other friends in ministry. We couldn’t “afford it,” I had reasoned. I was WRONG. Here was my chance to fix that heart-matter.
Later that day, I threw one more curve-ball Kim’s direction. I suggested we go back to Sandy Hook UMC until we leave for Denver. I started to flinch, expecting her to throw something at me (not really–Kim grew up with NO brothers, therefore she doesn’t throw things, gladly). But she just said, “Okay.”
I had a sense to do this a few months ago–after kicking the tires on about every other church in the newspaper’s church listings. But that was out of desperation, as in–there isn’t anything ELSE out there, might as well go back to the one we were at! This motivation was different. It says, “This is our home church. We will come back here when we are in town. We will accept a send-off from these people and will keep them in our prayers. We will SHARE in the work ahead.” This was right.
SUNDAY
We went to Sandy Hook UMC for church. It was VERY emotional. Especially for Kim. And as I write this, we’ve been back for the last 3 Sundays as well. Our departure some time ago was due to my discontent. I recognize that. Just to pull the plug and walk away, no explanation needed. And to be so readily accepted BACK, not only felt right for US, but them too. I swear, if there was a fattened calf within reach, they’d have slaughtered it for us!
THE FOLLOWING WEEK
So I got up pre-dawn Monday to fly to Denver for a trip that had been scheduled WAY prior to the above occurrences. I knew that the timing was absolutely perfect. When I got back Friday night, I crawled into bed with Kim (who notoriously retires early and sleeps the WHOLE night through without disturbance) and we laid there in the dark talking about our hearts, our calling, our purpose, our certainty until 4am.
Chris and Torrey were over for dinner recently and the next day, Chris IM’ed me to say we both seemed more happy, energetic, peaceful, and joyful than he could remember. He even said for the first time in a while, I wasn’t UPTIGHT! That was so affirming to hear.
LASTLY
So, that’s what’s been keeping me from writing my typical op-ed stuff recently. Change is upon us in a real way. I don’t need anyone to explain things any differently than the way I’ve been experiencing them. Dave Ward was right when he pointed out that things synchronize when you commit to doing what you were put on earth to do, and the gears grind when you don’t. So true. Kim and I are both now in the early stages of figuring out what it means to shift from being biz owners in Columbus, Indiana to unconventional missionaries on staff with KBM in Denver. We have a lot to learn and a lot to accomplish.
On that note, we’ve decided to launch yet ANOTHER blog (Eric AND Kim) that will be our basecamp for sharing with our partners what we’ll be doing and ultimately what we ARE doing through KBM. I’ll notify each of you when we get that uploaded. In the meanwhile PLEASE check out Kim’s site, Publish Peace as she’s decided to take her thoughts public!
For now, I’m just enjoying that sense of being CORRECT for the first time in forever. That and enjoying the respite from all this time in the wilderness. God is speaking to me. He is changing my heart and my habits, and I couldn’t be more CONTENT than I am just sitting in the grass with Him. I realize it won’t be that way indefinitely, but I know I can His rely on presence and proximity in those situations in the future.
Category: General, Theological 28 comments »
April 26th, 2005 at 12:34 pm
You are making me cry. Jerk! I’m in a public library on my lunch hour, wearing the bankers uniform of the day and am fighting off tears. I’ve had the honor of living some of life with you and Kim through this stuff. Our lives have run so different, yet have a unique parallel quality to them.
Seeing this here and now creates joy in me that you have found a peace that I ask God for, yet see my “secularly logical” brain telling me the very things that I need to get there don’t make sense. So, in this very joy there is also very real selfish sadness. I realize in the very near future I won’t be able to ride my bike to your house. Well, I suppose I could, but it would take a while.
Do you think as Paul sent out his brothers and sisters (
April 26th, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Hey Eric- I am really proud of you, man! You are ever honest, and your courage gives me courage. Sometimes I spend all of my energy telling God and myself why things aren’t possible. What a freedom to say, “I’m going for it!” God is always faithful. I’ve really experienced that, especially in the last two years when I’ve felt in over my head and my prayers were seldom more than the single word “help.”
God demands that I stay relevant… relevant to the world around me, but also relevant to myself. Is there anything scarier than that- getting honest enough to admit that you’ve lost relevance even to yourself? I’m scared right now just thinking of it. I need to switch to decaf and lay off the hookah. But enough about me. You and Kim are certainly in my prayers. Thanks for continuing to inspire by example.
Katie
April 26th, 2005 at 1:16 pm
Rudy….looks as though you were cut off…I’ll make sure there isn’t something limiting how much comments folks can type. I promise I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m dealing with this in stride as well, knowing I’ll have to help you move down to Wilmore in a just a couple of months. I’m more and more convinced that we’ve been together the past 5 years again for THESE MOMENTS we’ve shared. It’s too obvious. And that somehow makes next steps easier for me–and I hope for you. It’s a sort of closure AND simultaneously, an affirmation. So, check back later today and you can finish your thoughts!!
Katie….your words are SO encouraging. I thank you for cajoling my alter-ego in the past months. You’re one of FEW who know how HARD I’ve pushed in other directions for my life. And something VERY clarifying in the past month has been that ANY OTHER decision I’d have made would’ve been with Kim “in tow” and not on board. I can’t explain the difference in our attitudes around each other because with ONE DECISION, we BOTH have purpose. I certainly don’t feel worthy of that! Your word on relevance is particularly interesting–and substantive enough for the first post on your own blog! (hint, hint!) I don’t think you NOTICE when you lose relevance to yourself. Because withOUT that “groundedness,” it’s just “I’m in a funk” or “I just feel sort of wandering these days.” Lastly–what the freak is hookah? Don’t answer–I’ll just google it!
Love ya both!
April 26th, 2005 at 1:37 pm
Eric, I’m proud to call you my brother in Christ. I’m off to see if I can find a fatted calf……
April 26th, 2005 at 2:29 pm
Groovy, Bud. Doesn’t get much better than living in Colorado. And the KBM guys are great (and I do mean GUYS — they still refuse to bring a GAL on to the preaching staff – GRRRRrrrr!)
I bet you’ll love that environment. And you’re walking in with your eyes wide open being so connected there and with Dave Ward’s “advance report”
way cool.
DD
April 26th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Eric- Just got the update for your blog in my e-mail bank and have spent the last 15 minutes reading your entry. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or both. It’s so amazing and refreshing to hear and see that God is NEVER finished with us. We are all a work in progress. When I want to throw the towel in ‘cuz sometimes I just SUCK, I will remember what amazing things God can do with a BROKEN heart. Jason and I were just two nights ago sitting here talking about how important it is for us to be broken, and then I read your entry. SO appropriate and EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Hope to hear more from you and am excited for you guys to be a KBM. Say “hi” to Jim and Emily Vermilya for us. Gosh I love those guys………. Anywho…… God IS good! Holly Grate
April 26th, 2005 at 9:55 pm
Bill…Thanx friend. I like it RARE!
Holly…That’s QUITE encouraging. I apologize for toying with your emotions like that, but frankly, the writer enjoys it too much! So…be forewarned, I’ll keep trying! And being broken is SO good. Again, Mel’s comment from a couple months ago, “….a church where everybody else SUCKS as much as I do.” For me, I know I’m going to have to look hard at these lessons I’ve learned, asking God if he wants to use me to help others with issues of CONTENTMENT and how He works through what feels like absence. I’d like to think I could spare some folks the trouble, but I also know I’d rob them of the sense of peace I have right now!
April 26th, 2005 at 10:24 pm
Dave….Okay…I looked into things: “they still refuse to bring a GAL on to the preaching staff – GRRRRrrrr!)”
You can rest at ease. This is DATED information. You’re right in thinking that in the past they’ve had to carefully steer between the doctrines of multiple denominations and have remained silent on issues.
And, please know that I feel I’m speaking a BIT out of turn here (being the rookie), but after 5 years of being around these guys as a vendor, I can say that what I’ve seen is a shift in being MORE vocal about their silence. If that makes sense. But it’s silence towards the NON-ESSENTIALS. I don’t think this is public knowledge–just expect to see your notion proven wrong in the not too distant future.
Also, you know where I stand on “issues” (as does anyone else who READ my friggin’ blog). I know that Kim and I, who left a couple of churches that were anti-woman, wouldn’t sign on with KBM if they were as hard-headed. Regarding OTHER non-essentials, KBM would rank FAR MORE liberal than Ye Olde Wesleyan Church.
As I said in my post, Dave Ward deconstructed one of my reasons for NOT coming to KBM–”I can’t/won’t stuff myself into the tiny box of full-time ministry.” Meaning, I am not about to say this/that does/doesn’t matter but toe a DIFFERENT line just so I can work for an organized ministry.
That said, I could NOT work for the Wesleyan Church because of my fondness for Guinness! How ironic.
Rest assured, KBM’s fair & balanced in a way that Fox News could only dream of. Again, I understand, the proof’s in the pudding. I expect to get dessert soon!
April 26th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
Congrats Eric and Kim: You searched a lifetime of your soul. Sometimes a good cry is what you need to help you be true to yourself. I am in South Carolina on Vacation from my life and and living parts of I missed for a long time. Funnily enough one of the few places I feel I have purpose is on the bike. I was made three times a lady by the local Peleton as I was dropped repeatedly. That what should happen everytime you take sometime off though, and I’ve taken years off. It is beautiful. It means there is something right with the world. I was smooth but not fast. I will be home on Saturday and if you want to ride I am game. I probably will take my licks from you and Rudy if you have been riding. It just lets me know that I’m still alive. I am proud of you both. I’ll fill you on life and other things I am to self conscious to share in a general public form. I don’t have your courage.
April 27th, 2005 at 8:42 am
Jake… Thanx for chiming in. It’s SO GOOD to hear from you. And your comment about having purpose on the bike makes TONS of sense to me. I LOVE being on the bike!! “Three times a lady!” I love that! I’m totally STEALING it!
And yes, I’m all for a ride on Saturday. Let’s grab Rudy and hit the road! Perhaps there’ll be some Spotted Cow at the end of the ride? Hmm??
April 27th, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Awesome Eric! Colorado sounds like a great place for you. Just one ?, Can I come too? Put in a good name for me, (seriously) I need a job.:) (seriously)
April 27th, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Clarification on women preachers at Kingdom Building Ministries. I am a little confused by the claim that we don’t have women itinerants on staff…since we have 2! Peg Forrest and Becky Wretlind. Peg is one of our favorite Institute teachers for adult, young adult, and youth audiences, male and female. She rocks the house every time. Diane Drees is also a regular on our team and a favorite of those who are familiar with our ministry’s preaching and teaching. So….confused…why the claim that there are none? Maybe just second hand, rumor mill knowledge. We are PRAYING for more gifted and annointed women preachers. I am the coach for our speakers and the only reason we don’t have more women at this point is financial and structural. We can’t support more speakers. Just wanted to clear that up.
By the way…pretty excited about long talks on the front porch, Eric.
If I had a handful of dogwood petals, Kim, I would “celebrate you.” I am UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED about living through the maze with you two!
April 27th, 2005 at 3:36 pm
Oh yeah…I would rather in a million years have a friend who was restless, hyper, wired, fired-up, angry, fickle, selfish, cynical, bitter, thick-headed, moody, and artsy-fartsy than proud, stuck, cowardly, conventional and keeping up appearances. I can’t wait for the next 10 years with you, you wild ass of a man (Gen. 16:12)….
April 27th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Oh yeah…I would rather in a million years have a friend who was restless, hyper, wired, fired-up, angry, fickle, selfish, cynical, bitter, thick-headed, moody, and artsy-fartsy than proud, stuck, cowardly, conventional and keeping up appearances. I can’t wait for the next 10 years with you, you wild ass of a man (Gen. 16:12)….
April 27th, 2005 at 4:44 pm
Josh!!! So glad to see you in here. Perhaps the joy is one-sided but I feel VERY warmly towards folks such as yourself stopping by and dropping their two cents in. Buddy, you’re going to have to catch me up on what creative stuff you’re up to these days. Let’s get firing back and forth over email!
Dave!!! Oh man, I love you. Funny how the TWO DAVES cancel each other out in my forums but not in my heart! And I’m glad to have a more authoritative answer to DD’s (innocent) misconception above. Thanx for setting the record straight! And never have I been called an ass by anyone and felt all the more loved for it!
April 27th, 2005 at 7:19 pm
Well, I must say, it is interesting to be the character in someone else’s life story. Especially when it is published. Weekly. No, really, I love it. It is a way that I can understand this complex wild mustang of a man (was that good guys?). He is my beloved. I feel like he has come out of a coma in some ways, and the same metaphor goes for our relationship. How much more dynamic is it to be headed in the same direction, with the same passion, for the same reason? I love you dearest. You amaze me.
April 28th, 2005 at 11:53 am
Cool Eric (and Kim as well, who’s web-site-thingy I have yet to check out) I also have a special place in my heart for you. I’m the “long time listener, first time caller” I feel like I would be a better addition if I could post art work, but such is life. I will certainly send you an email- life is good and pigs are flying! May the force be with you…
April 28th, 2005 at 12:39 pm
Josh…
That’s WILD. I tell you what…let’s figure out a way for you to post artwork–that is if I hear you correctly: you have responses but they’re visual not verbal. Send me via email anything you want posted. There are some options I’ll look into!!!
April 29th, 2005 at 8:54 am
Eric,
How did we miss so many connections? Dave Drury, Dave Ward… This is great news you are heading to Kingdom Building Ministries. Did you know I am on staff with them and was when I taught at CCU?
Stay in touch man! Jeff Baxter
April 29th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
Eric, I have to admit, I’ve been a little nervous to write anything on here for awhile just because there are so many great thinking people on here. Josh told me to get on your blog and read what’s been going on. I’m so glad to read your thoughts. It sounds like freedom! I am stunned at how much freedom we find when we choose his way and not our own. You and Kim have inspired us through college and continue to inspire us now. I think Josh and I both would say that we sense the intensity of your new vision in life and feel as energized by it as you are, seeing that we are finding ourselves in a similar situation with Josh looking for a job. Thank you for allowing us to read a blow by blow of what your days have been like and for your honesty. Nice.
April 29th, 2005 at 1:18 pm
Jeff…
Ha! Of COURSE I know! I have to stay on tops of all you fellers–even if we don’t talk face-to-face for a spell. Well, I’m CERTAINLY looking forward to all that lies ahead. It’ll be a legacy worth building, you know?
April 29th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
Julia…
Thanx for the kind words! I can only say MORE POWER TO YOU!! You guys are bound for GREAT things, knowing your abilities, joy, and passion. And you’re ALWAYS welcome to join in the fray here–in fact PLEASE post comments more often–your mind ROX!!!
May 2nd, 2005 at 11:18 am
Eric and Kim!
I love you guys!
You know Jess and I left Egypt for the Promise Land last year and are still wandering in the Desert of God’s bewildering Providence. (“The reckless, raging fury that we call the Love of God.”) I was talking to my brother last year in hopes that he could help me make sense of where we were. I was trying to figure out how to get from where we had been to where we felt God had toldus we would be. I would give him a lengthy assessment of where I thought we were and what I thought we should do in response. I would then say, “What do you think?” He would say, “Enjoy the journey.” Now to help you understand, we were working on reroofing his house at the time. For three days I tried to get his input.
Lengthy discourse from me. “What do you think?” “Enjoy the journey.” “Jerk.”
It will be a long time before I even begin to understand the scope of what God is doing in our lives, but right now I know he is trying to teach me about my need for a speedy (and safe) closure on every issue. He is trying to teach me how to live my life with the scabs ripped off. To say that I am uncomfortable walking around this way would be an understatement. But I know that this is the only way to live without developing scars so I’m trying to stay true to what He wants.
Boy that sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?
I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
From someone who has been in the wilderness between what was and what is to come for a while, you might want to check out Deuteronomy 8:2-10. Verse 4 is my favorite.
You two are welcome at our fire any time.
Enjoy the journey! Lonnie
May 2nd, 2005 at 12:50 pm
Lonnie, I resonate with your words man. I appreciate your Deuteronomy, and will raise you a Zephaniah 3:14-20.
Still stuggling, Rudy
May 7th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
Yeah. Come hither quickly.
See Eric, we’re reading this…and beyond you reading it to us while you’re on our couch as we paint. We’re reading.
Can’t wait till you’re here and many enchiladas can be had. ev
May 13th, 2005 at 6:11 pm
eric,
wow. absolutely amazing. there really isn’t anything that i can type that can accurately describe how deep (for lack of a better word) that was.
i wish nothing but the absolute best for you and kim in denver.
peanut
May 14th, 2005 at 8:00 pm
wow, all these names are blast from the past. where is everyone? why am I so out of touch? why do I feel such pressure to reconnect with everyone?! I am SO EXCITED to see one of my friends take a flying leap into the great unknown. I am proud of you, I am inspired by you, I am challenged by you… I have a raging need for closure and checking things off my list (which is odd, given my occupation) but am consistently reminded by God that Melanie time and God time are two completely different things. The harder I work at connecting them, the farther apart they seem. Well, someone I used to know told me this little tidbit… Dream. Try. Fail. Repeat. If I could just rest in God’s promises… thanks for the challenge. I love those Nentrups. mjp.
June 2nd, 2005 at 9:14 am
Hey Nennie, I’m a bit late in hearing your news but when I yearn for some old friend connection I sift through your blog and enjoy hearing your voice on my screen.
Congrats on the KBM thing. Very cool I’m always excited when people I know and love move out West! Yum. (If only I’d quite moving north–but don’t tell the people in Michigan I said that!) Be blessed, friend, as you go.
Loves to you and Kim. It’s been way too long since we’ve connected. Peter.