Podcasts. You know I’m into them. I dig listening to “audio on demand.” It’s like Tivo for Radio. BUT you get the selection of like, Satellite Radio.

It’s SO great to be able to turn on some thought provoking content while out for a walk or ride.

I listen mostly to sermons which are delivered live before the local crowd, then the recordings are uploaded to a server where I can subscribe to them to have them automagically appear on my iPod a day or two after they’re delivered.

I realized something in the midst of my listening that I think is crucial. Never before in the history of the world, has an individual had so much access to current, relevant preaching for so little effort and expense, relatively speaking. I know that an iPod costs more than the annual per capita of some developing country households. But in our culture, and especially for our generation and younger , it’s seeming like more people have an iPod than don’t.

For the record, you don’t even HAVE to have an iPod to listen to Podcasts. You can listen on your computer, or even burn a CD of the content to take with you in the car or pop into your home stereo. Also, realize that Podcasts are more about the “delivery system” than the content itself. It’s about your computer KNOWING to go looking for updates to that “title” and automatically copying them off of that remote server to your local computer. That’s the convenience that has led to a phenomenon.

Now, back to the content and it’s potential. I’ve been listening to at least 1 sometimes 3 or 4 sermons a weeks by way of podcast, BEYOND what I hear on Sunday at our church.

You couldn’t have done that so easily a few years ago. I’m hearing from preachers all over the country and it’s really impacting my thinking, my yearning for God, how I actually live my life.

So, I wanted to put a post up on my website that could encourage you to get in on the sweet preachin’ action, even if you don’t have an iPod. The only real requisite is that you have a decent internet connection.

And there are MANY ways to accomplish this, but I’m taking the tried and true route here to explain to you how to get listening even yet today for that drive home.

Your Computer.

1. Download and install iTunes from Apple.
2. Open iTunes and click on “iTunes Store” in the left hand pane
3. With the iTunes Store open in the main window of iTunes, look for “Podcasts” on the left.
4. Browse the selections that iTunes has put up front, or if nothing catches your fancy, try clicking ‘Browse’ on the right, or searching for a particular church or personality by typing in the name in the search field in the upper right corner of iTunes itself.
5. You SHOULD see the “Downloads” icon pop up under “iTunes Store” in the left hand pane of iTunes.

Also, if you look above that under “Library” you’ll see the “Podcasts” category. This will reveal any subscriptions that you have chosen. Also, when they’re done downloading , you’ll be able to select the title and listen to it right here, on your computer (if you have speakers or headphones).

1. IF YOU HAVE AN iPod, but haven’t been using it to listen to Podcasts, you’ll have to configure the preferences for it in iTunes>Preferences, and also on the iPod itself, which you can do from iTunes if you have it plugged in.
2. If you DON’T have an iPod, but you DO have a blank CD, you can create a playlist in iTunes with your newly downloaded Podcasts, and burn away…I’m presuming you know how to do that or can figure it out on your own.

The Goods.

Okay…now that the geeky stuff is over with, let me make a few suggestions for your listening pleasure:

Mars Hill Bible Church – Grand Rapids, Michigan

Featuring the teaching of Rob Bell, this is definitely my favorite Podcast. If you haven’t read Rob’s “Velvet Elvis,” I emplore you to do so…it’s a wonderful book.

Imago Dei

Featuring Rick McKinley, pastor to Don Miller

Mosaic

Featuring Erwin McManus, author of The Barbarian Way. I don’t listen to this one all that often, but I’m going to give you several options for solid infectious teaching from the Word, and this definitely qualifies…but only if I get through the above two first.

Pathways CHurch

Lastly…I have to plug our own church. The bulk of the teaching is split between our teaching team, and I figured you just might be curious to learn more about where we go to church now.

Well, I hope that’s helpful. Leave a comment if I’ve forgotten something or left you in the middle, confused and bewildered. And write back so perhaps if we’re listening to the same content, we can start some discussion. OR if you have some Podcasts to share, please let me know!

Our ministry partnership newsletter will go out next week and Kim’s written plenty of information about our move and our new jobs.

The short of it is: I’m lovin’ it. I have been going hardcore all day long for the past week or two now, but getting the blessed privilege of being on a staff of talented sharp people who are passionate about pursuing what we believe God has called us to do together at KBM. Exciting stuff for me.

So far, lovin’ our neighborhood, learning to love suburban life and find the really neat things about this wild city off Denver. I’ve yet to experience such a “starting over.”

Kim and I celebrated 8 years of marriage today and can’t believe it. Moreso than that, Kim figured out that in July, we’ll have been together for 5,000 days since our first date!! Amazing. God has blessed us SO much.

Other late news is that we’re getting connected with Compassion International. One of our speakers at KBM has recently reconnected with them and challenged us each to pray about sponsoring a kid. I got on my knees in front of the packets he had brought for us to all to look at and felt God leading us to sponsor two lovely South American teenage girls. Their names are Heira (Ay-EER-a) and Carmen.

We’ll let you know what we learn about them as we get plugged in–but it’s interesting–I didn’t expect it, but I’m totally excited about making this commitment to them. Perhaps it’s a paternal thing, perhaps it’s the excitement of taking a step (or another step) in faith. Not sure. But our lives are getting affected by this move out here in ways we never imagined. Again, more later.

We are incredibly thankful for the provision of God through our team of supporters and look forward to what lies ahead. I’ll keep you posted, and hopefully with more frequency.

Much Love…

As many of you know, Kim and I have been in a time of transition from Indiana to Colorado, working to raise a team of prayer and financial supporters that would allow us to begin work at Kingdom Building Ministries.

Well, it’s our joy to tell you that we have enough support to make the move and get started!

After a year of preparation, support-raising meetings, selling our house, and our cars, living for 6 months with my gracious parents, we have set a moving date. April 26th, Kim and I are packing up a truck and carting our belongings 1,100 miles west to Aurora, Colorado.

As you can imagine, we’re thrilled, yet also feeling the pressure of all the details needing to come together. The most noteworthy of which is CLEARLY communicating to our family and friends that our needs are FAR from being met to sustain us at KBM long-term.

Even though we have been given the “green light” from the KBM Executive committee to begin work , we are STILL a long way from having a big enough support base to stay put with KBM past November of THIS year. We truly need more financial support to make this a reality. In addition to our full-time work during the week, we’ll be striving to build that support to meet our ultimate goal.

And I just know God is big enough to make it work if He wants us at KBM, and I’m QUITE affirmed that He does!

So…I just wanted to clarify and also make the announcement “official” today!

HOW YOU CAN HELP

If you haven’t yet made a decision about joining our support team, you can follow these two links for our letter and our pledge card.

God has shown us that it’s “par for the course” for us to leave the safety of all things we know in Indiana and WALK BY FAITH, trusting that the rest of our monthly pledges and special financial gifts will come in before November. I mean, it’s just obviously HIS hand at work. We believe it. And that’s why we’re making our needs known.

If you have friends, family members, and/or church families that you think need to hear about our work with KBM, please let us know. We would be thrilled to meet these connections of yours and make them aware of what God is doing through this small but potent ministry.

If you’re the more practical type, you can pray about and/or offer some advice towards these particular needs we MUST lock down in the next couple of weeks:

• A Place To Live: 2-3 bedrooms, we have two 25lb. dogs, within 20 minutes of the office, around $800/mo.
• A Truck To Get Us There: I have some very conventional services lined up, but for all I know, SOMEONE that I know knows SOMEONE who has a big ole’ box truck that we could use and save money on our move….please let me know if you have any ideas!
• A New Home Church in the Denver area: We’re being VERY open-minded about this–with an area as diverse as Denver, we want to take the opportunity to be a part of something we wouldn’t have the chance to in Indiana. We’re looking forward to settling down, and serving at a new church!

As I look back over the difference a YEAR can make, I believe God has been chiseling away at me for some serious amount of time…well, serious relative to my thirty years. And I’m incredibly happy with Him caring so much to do so. And for that work, that process, to bring us to the point where we’re heading off to do what we’ve been planning to do for so long, and to get the joy of having my wife experience the same amount of heart-match simultaneously. It’s rare.

Thanks to all who have, who are, and who will be making it possible for me and Kim to serve God in this way, at KBM.

For the King…For the Kingdom.

Last night, I watched the Olympics pairs figure-skating medal event last night and saw Chinese skater, Zhang Dan fall during a gutsy quadruple salchow attempt.

Even though she got right up, it still made me wince. I could feel the unforgiving ice on my own knees seeing how hard she landed. In fact, I couldn’t believe she got up–I’ve seen pansy overpaid pro football players stay on the ground over a significantly lesser impact.

Then I couldn’t believe what came next–she and her partner RESUMED their performance, and executed it so flawlessly and with such grace that they were awarded the Silver Medal. Amazing. Even with such a HUGE and upsetting mistake, they still found their way to the podium.

And all I could think about the whole time was, “Wow. I can’t believe she got back up, shrugged off the physical pain, disappointment, even embarrassment and continued.” And not just that they continued eventually (“we’ll try again NEXT Olympics!”)–but that they continued IMMEDIATELY.

I have to think that there are MANY opportunities for such a redemptive experience in my own life that I forfeit because I think I need to nurse my wounds and the “punitive damages” I’ve encountered psychologically in an experience, trauma, or tragedy. I lay off of the work or task at hand, lest I fail even more. And granted, many times, I regroup, and try again, and do so with a modicum of success.

But mostly, after seeing an approximately 115 pound Chinese figure skater get up and get back in the saddle again, I realize that some healing happens best when encountered or administered immediately. Some grace need not be delayed. Maybe MOST grace need not be delayed.

So, without further ado…

BOOK REVIEW “Revolution” by George Barna – Tyndale, 2005 Reviewed by Eric Nentrup (eric@ericnentrup.com)

THE FACTS.

In “Revolution” (Tyndale, 2005), George Barna brings his statistician’s expertise to the topic most are calling “The Emerging Church.” But to Barna, “emerging church” is too small a descriptor to capture what he claims is an historic movement. He prefers to call it a “Revolution,” and sets out to define what type of Christ-followers are playing active roles as “Revolutionaries,” reshaping the institution of church and doing so in a grass-roots fashion: > “…the Revolution is about recognizing that we are not called to go to church. We are called to be the church.” Barna reminds us: > “…the Bible neither describes nor promotes the local church as we know it today.” And that conventional church as we know it, “is neither Biblical nor unbiblical. It is abiblical–that is, such an organization is not addressed in the Bible…We made it up. It may be healthy or helpful, but it is not sacrosanct.” Barna spends most of the book describing this Revolution subjectively, not focusing on the data of his research, but rather on the data’s implications. And Barna’s interpretation is that people seeking to follow Christ in the present are eschewing modern methods in favor of returning to a first-century lifestyle. The result, eventually, will be a DECREASE of emphasis upon the established local church for filling the need of spiritual community and growth. Later, Barna substantiates the Revolution with benchmarks that align with Jesus’ teaching and example, quoted chapter and verse. Barna is both convinced and convincing in this quick read, posing a credible forecast that the landscape of the church is undergoing considerable, if not monumental change.

THE OPINION.

All in all, I’ve found another log to toss on the fire that started with McLaren and Miller’s core texts for the church that is emerging. Another reviewer of “Revolution” in the latest issue of Christianity Today panned Revolution, citing Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together” as not only more edifying but more relevant (and even more revolutionary). My thoughts are still more towards the “fix what needs broken” regarding local church, as I believe there’s TONS broken. And thereby, I don’t feel the need to be “glass half-full” with comments towards denominational church. That’s just too much like sticking your fingers in your ears and la-la-la-ing our way through the things we don’t want to hear. So, like McLaren’s books, I think Revolution is an essential missive in understanding just WHAT it is that we’re currently experiencing and soon to experience. That said, I’m working HARD on not being “anti-institutional.” I’ve taken to heart the truth (which I THINK I got from McLaren’s “Generous Orthodoxy, but I’m too lazy to fact check this tonight) that it “takes an individual to start a movement, but an institution to sustain it.” That helps me spend less time curling my lip towards institutions, corporations, denominations, and the like. I’m more intrigued with “new growth” in the midst of so much dead wood, and Revolution doesn’t disagree with that thought. So…Rudy lent me Rob Bell’s “Velvet Elvis” and I think I might weigh in on it next. So, if you get an Amazon.com gift certificate for Christmas, and are curious enough about Revolution, McLaren’s books, or “Velvet Elvis,” do me a favor and click through the link above to snag a copy for yourself. Merry Christmas, everyone….Christ is born!

Just exactly, where’s He going? One of the neat things made known to me this year was that Jesus doesn’t set up camp too often. In all He taught, “staying put” wasn’t ever one of His lessons. He’s a long-distance hiker. And yet for each of us, He sets a pace. Not necessarily a comfortable pace, but a pace we have the capacity and ability to keep. The past few years, I have felt like I haven’t been keeping up. Much like the dawdling toddler at the mall who doesn’t get his way, I’ve dragged my feet way too often.

A sense of “Urgency” is an issue of being called to follow Christ, for certain. When dragging my feet, I’m not tuned into that. And as I’ve learned that Jesus isn’t “sedentary” in relationship with us, but always on the move with His command “follow me,” I’ve found myself wondering where He is here at a moment where I need Him most. The answer is, He’s always WHERE HE’S CALLING ME. His voice is always my beacon–that’s His intent, at very least.

Now, if only I’d obey and FOLLOW, I might find him there! And He’s called me to be in process, not setup and established somewhere, planting roots and building some sort of spiritual homestead. And yet I’m tempted to do that–especially with a group of others who are like-minded, and try to build some sort of Jesus Colony or village. Just gather together, claim a piece of property and declare permanence.

Now that I’m aware of that, I realize that those places which ARE more settled are like visitor’s centers along the way, there for a quick break and stretch before heading back out. Base camp, the Holiday Inn, a Guest Home, a Jellystone campground.

But our calling is on the road, the path, the trail, the WAY–not at or “to” any one of these temporary stopping points.

Personally speaking, Kim and I have learned that by eventually moving to Denver to work at Kingdom Building Ministries, we are simply acting upon our call that we have ALREADY answered. We are in process, we are progressing, we are ON THE WAY, and therefore we’re doing our best to follow Jesus by interpreting what He’s asked us to do. And so, for the past 7 weeks, we’ve been without a permanent residence of our own. We are in a state of transit more than in a state of transition, and I’m convinced that seeing that and living with that understanding for a period of weeks is essential to our growth. It surely is needed for me.

We don’t know when we’re moving to Denver. We do know we have a long way still before we have enough financial support from partners to afford to move and live there. We aren’t complacent, and we have to keep our attitudes and patience in check, and we have to stay present in what God is doing in the lives of those around us. We have to be content with where we ARE, which always takes precedence over any anxiety about what the future holds.

And I’d hate to be too simplistic, but “Follow Me” doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room for making Jesus’ teaching complicated. So, that’s my intent. To keep on following Jesus.

If this were true, I could fire my wife for not pulling her weight, or I could promote a cousin to the prestigious position of first born son for doing such a remarkable job cleaning his bedroom.

And I feel just a bit like a tail-wagged dog if I buy into that. I’m not too keen about using business rhetoric in places where it doesn’t belong, and this certainly qualifies. Granted, advertisers wrote that commercial, and being a hack-advertising writer of sorts, I know how easy it is to toss around phrases, metaphors, and imagery to connect with an audience.

On a slight tangent, if you TRULY listen to the advertising that’s in current rotation, you’ll begin to seed a deep skepticism that can very quickly sprout and sprawl. My skepticism in general is both my blessing and curse.

So. Can families be run like a business? Can ministry? Can my personal life? How about art? Not to say that there isn’t overlap, or that due to the fact that a good many of us spend at LEAST 33% of our lives in “business mode” it’s an easy shift to applying it to other interactions and activities.

Maybe it’s just semantics, and my sensitivity towards such things. Maybe not.

Two years ago, we vacationed on Alabama’s Dauphin Island with my extended family. One day, we drove to New Orleans. I think about going into the cigar shop (on Canal St. maybe?) watching as they rolled cigars. And that now, it’s gone. I think about the Café Du Monde store when I look at the can I now use to hold odds and ends, and that it certainly was slammed when the levee broke. And Kim reminded me today about how I ran up the concrete steps of the levee to see the Mississippi.

I don’t mean to try and conjure a sentimental pseudo-personal connection to New Orleans. I honestly didn’t care much for the town. Not my kind of place. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t meaningful to thousands if not millions of people not just in the south, but around the world.

Michael Heilleman, a developer who wrote the code for the theme I use here at my site, recently posted a response to the catastrophe that’s worth reading. Make sure you follow the link to MP3 he has posted with the interview from the Mayor of New Orleans.

And then pray for the people who are destitute, homeless, penniless and grieving.

Sounds like an incentive to me!

After responding to the Pat Robertson debacle in my previous post, I’ve been thinking about the question:

Is Television a VALID medium for sharing the story of Jesus?

I’d love to hear your thoughts to this impromptu survey. Click the little icon to the right of the title above to get to the COMMENTS page.

I never thought I’d say THAT! But with Pat Robertson’s recent comments, I have to either ABANDON all organized efforts to fulfill the Great Commission of Jesus Christ, or I have to decide that READY-FIRE-AIM “Me”-ologians like Señor Pat don’t represent me or Jesus when they open their dangerous yaps.

I’ll choose the latter because Jesus is WORTH it. And because of this, his recent (and past for that matter) carelessness MOTIVATES ME. It motivates me to write, it motivates me to speak out, it motivates me to LIVE MORE CHRIST-LIKE in compassion, mercy, subordination, and trying to bring God glory by what I do and don’t say. In fact it’s the only way true Christ-followers can change the minds of the skeptics.

Not too long ago, Pat Robertson’s COMPLETELY hypocritical statement would’ve sent me further adrift. But not now. I don’t want to live my life avoiding being lumped into the same group with this guy. In fact, I’ll be the first to tell you that the stupid things I say and do, if available on such a public platform would be the end of me. I KNOW we’re all imperfect and unable to perform without the help God gives us through His Word and supernaturally through his Spirit.

But I don’t see how someone who KNOWS the truth of the Jesus’ teachings can EVER say that in front of a TV camera. And I know that Robertson’s not alone in his WRONG thinking. The President of a Christian Ministry that I produced video for in the past sat across the dinner table from me one afternoon and said matter-of-factly, “The U.S. should bomb China.” I about choked on my stir-fry. “What?” I asked him. “China has TOO MANY people and it’s just a matter of time before they mobilize against us. We need to pre-emptively bomb them into submission NOW.” I was stunned. This was beyond my thinking geo-politically, but theologically, I can’t disagree with this fellow more.

Not being a big-time politico, I’ll spare the commentary on oil in Venezuela as well as the disturbing anti-U.S. rhetoric from Hugo Chavez. In fact, I refer you to the MUCH more Christ-like (and reality-conscious) Jim Wallis. His reply to Robertson’s stupidity gives me and other believers hope:

Pat Roberston: An Embarassment to the Church
It’s clear Robertson must not have first asked himself “What would Jesus do?” But the teachings of Jesus have never been very popular with Robertson. He gets his religion elsewhere, from the twisted ideologies of an American brand of right-wing fundamentalism that has always been more nationalist than Christian.

And just think, this is the picture of Christianity that I and other grew up with! My brain can’t hold the opposing ideas that we have this Manifest Destiny to fulfill.

Two years ago, my grandpa went in for surgery to remove a lung claimed by cancer. I don’t think either of them would mind me saying that they’ve had PLENTY of skepticism towards conventional church over the years. That said, while we were at the hospital, my grandma’s sister (though well-intentioned) slipped a brochure into my grandma’s purse. I never saw it, but I know what it was–A TRACT.

Granted, these things MAY have some evangelical return. For fear of permanently cementing in my wife’s psyche that I actually WANT to be a lighting rod for God’s wrath, I will give a slim sliver of credit to intentional efforts towards succinctly communicating God’s Love to others through a leaflet. But my first argument is that such a puny (and downright CHEAP) publication is more of a MOCKERY of God’s love for each one of us than it is an effective tool of communication. My friend Dave Drury (whom I just LOVE to quote on my site) recently shared with me the notion that passing out a printed publication back in the day was a SERIOUS expense to those believers who felt so compelled to create NEW ways to share the great story of Jesus with others. And that the equivalent today would be standing on a street passing out iPods loaded with Eugene Patterson’s “The Message” preloaded as an audiobook! It’s so true! And wouldn’t that be a killa program for your church or small group? See how many iPod Shuffles you could pass out in Jesus’ name!

But my great-aunt slyly passed my grandma one of these outdated publications. She made sure it landed rightly in the waste basket. And I don’t blame her!

The frustrating thing to me is not the outdated means in which we as Christ-Followers share what we’ve come to know and believe. My gripe is that too many people are out there doing more harm than good. On the humble side, it’s trying to SNEAK Christian propaganda in under the radar. And then there’s Pat Robertson. Either way, it’s the equivalent of sending The Boy Scouts of America to the frontlines in Iraq. And yet, I know that God still works through us anyway. He has a penchant for the incapable, underqualified, and poorly-outfitted.

We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. 2 Corinthians 4:7 (taken from “The Message” Translation)

Robertson’s wrong. And he’s owned up to it. But, he put it out there. Javier Grillo-Marxuach responded to it well:

to: pat robertson from: javier grillo-marxuach re: christianity in general dude: less good friday, more easter sunday.

I agree with Javi. The glory that is Christ Alive far outweighs and utterly eclipses the horrors of the Cross. Yet, thank God for both.

But during the drive home, Kim was experiencing a bit of indigestion, and I suggested she grab one of the fruit seltzers we had just bought. She starts fishing around in the grocery bag behind my seat, and can’t find them. We were already well on our way and couldn’t turn the car around to grab something we’d left behind. Plus it was getting late. Kim kept digging through the bag, pulling item after item out of the bag, taking inventory with a question mark after each item — 2 pounds of blueberries? broccoli? SESAME TAHINI???? What’s Sesame Tahini?

Yup. We’d grabbed the wrong cart. We bought SOMEBODY ELSE’S groceries! We hadn’t merely forgotten a case of fruit juice seltzer, we’d forgotten to pay attention to our own dang cart and brought home stuff we didn’t even pick out! Kim found the receipt and read through it. I glanced at it while driving. This was certainly the case. So what ELSE did we get besides sesame tahini? How ’bout a frickin’ HUGE fillet of organic salmon. Quite the treat, but something I’d likely never buy simply because of the premium charged for a piece of meat I’d have to convince Kim to eat. How ’bout 2 pounds of blueberries? I’ve had to eat them about the same way I do popcorn, a fistful at a time till I get to the bottom of a bowl.

As we realized this, we kept laughing, then we’d switch into chastising ourselves for not being more careful, then we’d laugh again.

Funny thing is the receipt total was off the charts when we got to the check out. Kim was reading a magazine while I paid and I just figured, “hey, if this is what it costs to eat healthier food, then that’s the cost!” You see, I’ve been a bit hesitant to make the switch to picking up the healthy alternatives because of the cost. Organic milk is twice as much, antibiotic-free meats cost more as well. It’s not that I want to be unhealthy, its that my reconditioning comes in the form of comparing the mainstream item to this specialty item and learning to see our choice as the right choice for us.

And so I found it a bit providential that this mix up actually brought us the foods I’d have LIKED to buy but didn’t because I couldn’t get over the price tag.

Over vacation last week up on the shore of Lake Michigan, I finished Brian McLaren’s “Generous Orthodoxy”. In his chapter “Why I Am Depressed – Yet Hopeful” McLaren turned my thinking on it’s side with this kernal of thought right here:

There is a high cost to repentance, to be sure: our pride, our superiority, our complacency, our smugness, our self-confidence, our judgmentalism all will feel the sharp sting of the shot of repentance. But there is a high cost to non-repentance too.” — p. 273, Zondervan, © 2004

Of course, this has NOTHING to do with buying the wrong groceries, but this hilarious incident has brought this thought of McLaren’s to mind regarding this positive decision that Kim and I have made for our lives. I was not wanting to pay for the higher quality items, not considering what we’ve already decided was MORE expensive for us in terms of buying the lesser quality items. It’s just ironic to me that this decision has to do with what we put INTO our bodies.

I needed this mixup to occur in order for me to understand the cost of non-repentance in this singular decision in our lives and that this cost was far more expensive than the receipt total at Wild Oats. I’ve decided I can’t renege on that commitment. And for those worried that this site will become a platform for “organic living,” rest assured, it won’t.

Kim just had a fantastic line over on her site:

“Never underestimate how God will bend the cosmos for you.”

I think about how He does that for me — breaking through and even using my most silly mistakes, overlookings, and blunders. Since our fairly recent decision to pursue a life of service with Kingdom Building Ministries we’ve printed out a passage of scripture and taped it to the door of my office. Thanks to [Lonnie](http://urven.com, we’re greeted by this passage from Deuteronomy every time we enter the room. After Lon suggested it to me, I printed it out as a constant reminder in these that all of our needs are provided for by God, and that it is our duty to trust Him as we go forward. Little did I know until I paused to re-read it yesterday did I realize how it applied to this other facet of change in our lives.

It may sound like a bit of a stretch, but not as much as learning a few recipes that include sesame tahini. So, I best get to work.

He’s right. I don’t know about all that Washington and political talk at all. But he’s right about how “reform” happens at the ground-level, OUTSIDE of the thing that’s been established. Of course, I’m lifting this and applying it to church. But isn’t it true? Doesn’t the way we do church need reformed? And wouldn’t you agree that when change occurs to an “institution” it has to be from the outside-in, without a “Church Council” meeting handing down the changes or the paid Pastoral Staff doing it, but the through humble external sources convicted and brave enough to do so? I am certainly preaching to myself with this thought.

I recently and finally finished “The Call” by Os Guinness. Two quotes, I want your take on:

“Without individuals, nothing happens. Without institutions, nothing survives.”

So, I concede that we MUST have both: clear-minded, spirit-led individuals AND malleable progressive corporate bodies. And both need to be HEALTHY, which means, constantly changing, moving forward, shedding dead cells, building new ones.

Second Os quote:

“Semper Reformanda (Always Reforming). We are always in need of reformation. Today our deepest need is not just for reformation, but for reformation of reformation.”

It was his use of the latin Semper Reformanda that snagged my attention. It’s meansAlways Reforming and I love what that means. You might know the US Marine Corps credo “Semper Fidelis” often shortened to “Semper Fi” and meaning, “Always Faithful.”

Some years ago, my buddy Todd Leinberger was explaining the core value that his staff at Spring Hill Camps has written: “Change is a part of our fabric.” I think the use of “fabric” is important–that imagery of woven threads which as the sum of their parts or individual strands form an altogether NEW material to be used as an ingredient in another plan.

Of course, I LOVE the idea of change in THEORY more than in practice. And of course I wan others to change much more than I’m willing to change myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be as lazy as I am, I wouldn’t be overweight, and I’d have TONS of money dilligently stashed away in the bank. The thing is I don’t WANT to change as much as I think I do. I truly don’t. Or maybe it’s that I CAN’T–or it’s just plain natural for me NOT to change in any way. What I’ve noticed though, is this mechanism where I change because I have no other choice. I don’t decide to make changes because of my whimsy to wear glasses instead of my contacts or wear the blue shirt instead of the black one. I change because it evolves into a matter of survival. Not life and death, but if I want to CONTINUE to survive (without serious detriment or setbacks that would mean ADDITIONAL changes) I need to affect change in my routine, my lifestyle, even my belief system.

I saw this hand written quote on a note card a couple months ago: “We only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing.” Sounds like the path of least resistance to me. Honestly, the pain I’m tired of dealing with is the fact that tying my shoes was a lot easier without a chubby gut. I’m not CRAZY overweight, but when I’m AWARE of the mass that I carry and realize I don’t HAVE to carry it, I want to change it. To bad I love cooking. I’m okay with it if I don’t ever lose the extra weight. Like I said, it doesn’t really inhibit me, I just know where I SHOULD be and am not there. I’m sure there are PLENTY of other areas in my existence that could use as much change.

The past few years, I’ve noticed myself feeling comforted whenever I’d meet someone else who “gets it.” You know what I mean? Getting it most likely means something different to you, but I’d bet my hat that you have some presumption that your definition is the universal one. I know I think that way. I haven’t even said yet what I think people are getting. Well, I haven’t in this post, but if you scroll down a bit, you know I’m pretty obsessed with noticing whether or not other folks around me “get it.”

Defining it’s a moot point. For one, the definition is always changing (semper reformanda!). For another, I can boil down ALL OF OUR definitions with this one: WE WANT EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND US TO THINK THE WAY WE DO. Problem is, if we actually achieved it, that day would mark the beginning slide into a long season of depression, I believe. It would be VERY disappointing to not have anybody challenging your thinking.

I know for a FACT that some of you literally depend on that conflict. Not with hostility, but you NEED others to think differently than you just to give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I can empathize. I’ve also met people who have been SO beaten by other people’s opinions that they clam up in the face of such opposition. It’s truly a threat.

I think about those closest to me whom I know are resistant to change and I’ll admit it causes a knee-jerk reaction in me where I resent them a bit for that. That’s my natural response. It’s a deliberate effort on my part to know that their hesitancy is NOT a detractor from their character. That I don’t have to take their resistance personally.

And as I think about wrapping up this article, my mind is already more consumed with the knowledge that I really ought to go get a workout squeezed in before this evening’s dinner plans. Consider it a pre-emptive effort, not a reduction tactic.

I was having lunch with a buddy recently and I noticed how much he’d comment on improvements he’d like to make in our town of Columbus, as well as eventually have influence on the state-level. I admired him for it. It reminded me of an insight another friend made that first made me aware of my lack of local interest. Then I realized, some of us are near-sighted, and some of us are far-sighted. And I guess, yes, some of us have 20/20. I’m not talking literally, but about what focal planes our eyes are fixed upon. And I guess it might be different categorically, not just geo-political. But the bottom-line is that he didn’t focus on the things I did, nor did I focus on the things he did, yet together, we have perfect vision.

Differences in how we see things has gone from being divisive, for me, to being something that makes life GENUINELY interesting. Brother Maynard posted a fun survey recently, that srot of shows you where you fit in by modern theological measures. Here’s how I shook down:

Eric’s Theological WorldView (according to QuizFarm.com)

What’s your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Post your results in the comments, and we’ll see just what we can learn!

Josh Brunet sent me this illustration. He’s a TREMENDOUSLY gifted visual artist and I wanted to make sure I gave him props for sharing this with me. He’s done a series of these on spec for a children’s book. I not only wish I could draw this well, but wish I could somehow write a post today with this as my inspiration or starting point. But I can’t. Or won’t. I respect Josh’s abilities too much! You could, however, right-click and save it for your desktop! Thanks, Josh. I’m sorry it’s taken me more than a month to upload it.

Which goes to show you–I am a procrastinator. In fact, I’m convinced I’ll eventually need to postpone my death because I’ll have things to finish that I had put off. Lately, I’ve felt the frustration of my procrastination from my wife who has been regularly writing on her blog whereas I have slacked off. Oh, it’s definitely NOT her fault. You’d have to understand the relational dynamic of how a procrastinator often marries a person who is QUITE the opposite. Kim and I are NO different from that stereotype. She is typically quite diligent with her work regardless if its writing or cleaning the house. And the grace she gives me for being so lazy when it’s my turn to wash the dishes is amazing. I should also say that God teaches me about urgency, timeliness, and NOT being lazy through my relationship with Kim. I can’t imagine how awful I’d be without her influence and motivation.

Truth is, I’m afraid of writing. It seems like each time I write here, the stakes raise. Part of it’s exhilarating, part scares the crap out of me. And the latter often eclipses the former. Kim and I talk about it a fair share, but it’s usually her that’s more honest about it than me. I put on my poker face and blame my pseudo-busy schedule for not writing more frequently.

Last night, I was reading in Don Miller’s “Searching For God Knows What”. He had a great comment on Original Sin, The Fall, and what really happened in the Garden of Eden. One splinter of thought that’s connecting other fragments of ideas for me right now are Miller’s words about us being wired to receive our sense of identity from OUTSIDE of ourselves. And on THIS side of the Garden, we’re going to first look to other people to do that for us. And this isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s simply God’s intent in His design. Of course, the problem is that with our freedom to choose, thereby our freedom to BETRAY, we are in a constant war with the unseen to keep God as the source for our need to know who we are in lieu of something else. To subvert a popular analogy, it’s not so much that we all have a God-shaped hole inside of ourselves, as much as it is that WE ARE God-Shaped holes. Made in His image, containers for His “glory.”

Yesterday, CNN played a story on U2 and rolled a clip of Bono talking about his role as an activist. I mean, who HASN’T seen some of these clips of him in Africa, or meeting the Pope, etc.? But the clip that caught my attention was the one where he talks about his dual roles as Celebrity and Activist. He said the first role came easy for him (as it would for MOST of us). And then he said he HAD to do the second role. He didn’t want to make those visits to Africa, lobby world leaders for various causes, etc. but that he HAD to. And for him the bridge between these two worlds was that Rock ‘n’ Roll’s greatest potential was to CHANGE THE WORLD. To affect change. And on my best day, that’s why I write. When I don’t feel like I CAN affect change, I’m scared to write. I’m afraid I’m just another soap-boxer wasting my time and breath. So here I am realizing my extrinsic need for things outside me to tell me who I am, and my wannabe-rockstar-ambition to affect change in the world.

Twice now I’ve used the word AFFECT and have intentionally done so. I find it interesting how we typically use the word “effect” when we mean “affect”. I’m mulling over this notion that we live an “Affectable Existence.” And I know that “affectable” isn’t really a word (yet). But as I’ve watched the past season of movement in my own heart, and in the lives of others around me, I’ve been very aware of our tendency to be changed. So, I like the word I’ve frankensteined together to express that. We’re affectable. The weather, people, and all sorts of stuff mishmash everyday and AFFECT change to our plans, intents, agendas, and whimsies. And I know from experience that plain old probability will make a portion of these changes in our lives experiences of pain and suffering. It’s just a matter of time. I have yet to meet someone who has completely lucked out and not had to deal with some make or measure of pain and suffering. Hopefully there’s more peaks than valleys, but so far in life, I’m guessing that at the end of my time on Earth, it all comes out awash.

I’m tempted to go on talking about pain and suffering. They’re quite a duo. And they’re also something I’m quite efficient at avoiding. EVEN KNOWING the good and true and real things that can come out of them, I’ll go to great lengths to avoid them. But more importantly, today, I’m interested in just acknowledging that that’s on one extreme and peace, happiness, and shiny things are on the other end of the continuum.

You’ve recently watched me celebrate the end of a LONG LONG LONG desert-like chapter of my life where I was experiencing pain and suffering. Not an intense, acute pang, but a dull, chronic sense of hurt that is only bad enough to remind you it’s there. And as only God’s timing would have it, this season has ended for me while others around me have dealt with some of the most excruciating circumstances. I’ve watched my two closest friends deal with broken relationships simultaneously. I’ve seen them suffer and question their loss. I’ve cried with them, expressed my frustration for how the other person hurt my loved one. I’ve taken sides, meddled, and had to apologize for letting my anger get the better of me when I should’ve been listening to my hurting friends. I was truly amazed at the way how the relationships my friends had lost even affected me. And I wrongly felt like I deserved a say in the matter because of that.

Then I realized I’ve done the same thing to others. Being the selfish human I am, when it hits the fan in my life, I’m most apt to run away from it or deny it or use my super powers of procrastination to avoid it. I get pissy, I have even steered clear of people whom I associate with whatever that center of frustration is in my life. Only after this passes have I seen my mistake and how foolish I was to ransom those relationships because I didn’t FEEL like they were relevant or helpful or useful to me. Stupid. I’ve been very fortunate. I can think of specific times when I’ve done this to some of my dearest friends and they’ve taken me back. I can’t believe it. Lonnie, Chris, even Rudy, and of course, MY PARENTS, I thank you guys for your grace to ME when I’ve completely thrown our relationship out the window. Thank you.

But, the pain I’ve felt and continue to feel for both my wife and friend seems like it’s not enough. And I wish I could promise, expect, or wave a magic wand and fix broken relationships for Kim, Rudy, and pretty much everybody else I know. To rewind, erase, even REWRITE those scenes! And I realize that’s not only impossible for me to do, but not right either. I can’t do that, as I’ve learned from experiences in well-intended meddling.

I think that there are only ever two beings in a relationship. Again, it’s part of God’s design. Sure, there are other affiliations between MORE than two people, but I have to think the phrase “it takes two to tango” may mean not just a minimum but a maximum as well. I know that rifts can occur in a group of people but it sure seems like it’s a collection of one-on-one relationships that can make the big divide occur.

On this side of Eric’s Great Awakening, I’ve realized what’s changed most. The change has not been as much my relationship with God, but my relationship with others. Yes, it IS my relationship with God, but THAT gets most often played out through my relationship with others, you know? I’m finding myself STILL in that same place of frustration with issues, topics, institutions, what-have-you. It’s not my relationship with issues that have changed, it’s my relationships with other people. Through that, I’m seeing just how much God loves me, and treasures the tremendous value in our relationship.

In these changing relationships, others have taught me that even though I can be affected painfully by things, and that even though I can take it out on my relationships with God and others, the greatest thing about this “affectable creation” is the fact it’s REDEEMABLE. I don’t think our human relationships always get “redeemed.” Sometimes they do, but often they don’t. And by redeemed I mean “returned to the way they were.” But our Core Relationship with God DOES enter a state of TRUE redemption. Jesus STARTED that process, and yes, He WILL finish this restoration. I don’t think it’s over. I think redeeming our core relationship with God is an on-going process while we’re on earth, not a line we cross. I think that’s why Jesus said, “follow me.”

Along the way, the relationships we have with others, I feel, reveal to us more and more of the heft, the gravity, the sheer and utter completeness of THE Relationship Jesus has with each of us. That’s what I’m thinking about. How much His love won’t let us get away, won’t let us go. Yet, we’re free to do so, and sadly choose to exercise that terrible, awful yet breathtakingly beautiful freedom.

So I’ve ended up here. Talking about these bits and pieces of observations, having preached to myself more than anybody else. I suppose if I can affect MYSELF, by getting it out of my head and you’re holding me accountable to it, I’m not banging a drum uselessly. I’m opening myself up so God can say, “Hmm! You’re MY CHILD. THAT’S who you are!”

There’s not much wrong with that.

Kim and I have decided to uproot and go to work full-time for Kingdom Building Ministries in Denver, Colorado!

We’re both looking to fill positions on staff and join the team. As we’ve been considering this, I’ve been asked “what are you going to do?” For me, it’s extending the reach of KBM by producing content in the form of DVD, CD, Web, and Print. I have a LOT to learn, but being able to focus all of my attention on ONE client’s MANY projects will be a shift! It’s just become VERY apparent as KBM has grown, that they’re in NEED of such materials, if they’re going to broaden their impact. Ultimately, the past 20 years has been EXCLUSIVELY experiential: others attend a talk of an Itinerant or attend The Laborer’s Institute–both of which are seasonal or short term sorts of involvement. And the things I’ll help produce will assist others in continuing their journey.

Kim’s also joining on, though it’s not AS clear to what she’ll be doing specifically yet. We’re fairly certain now that it’s just a matter of her needing to have the proximity that I’ve been priviliged to as a vendor for KBM the past 5 years.

Just this past weekend we attended “Ichthus 2005″ with them in Wilmore, KY. KBM had 3 of their Itinerant Speakers at the event: Jeremy Kingsley, Dave Ward, and for the Saturday Night Keynote, Adrian Despres. It was a phenomenal experience, with both Kim and I being able to be up close and personal with the team. God worked through their talks to speak into the lives of a number of kids and adults. It’s funny–a former pastor of ours who’s at a different church now, sent a mass email (we’re on her list) giving a comprehensive report on how the entire event affected her youth AND the adult chaperones. MANY of her group made first time commitments to Christ — including adults!!! And she cited Adrian’s talk as the catalyst for those decisions.

One ultimate thing I’ve needed to get honest with is that I don’t write PASSIONATELY on my site about filmmaking, screenwriting, Macintoshes, etc. The last 2 months plus has been about seeing that there is a VAST need for change in the church. And I’ve needed to own up to the fact that God wants me to be a part of it–specifically at KBM.

KBM has been a client of mine for nearly 5 years now, and as some of you know, I’ve considered a move in their direction before. Well, the time is right, and so is my heart–finally. That story is what follows:

WANDERING

One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re in the middle of the desert. The first thing that’ll tip you off is just how THIRSTY you are. Then you’ll notice the bleak surroundings. You’ll spend some time wondering & worrying, being dumbfounded about how you got here. But that’s one thing–the anxiety of how to get OUT of it is another. Depressed, you finally encounter the realization that you’re utterly alone in this. And you wouldn’t believe me even if I told you while looking you in the eye, but all of these things are good. Blessedly good.

Of course, that’s easy to say for one once they arrive in terra nova. And these days, I feel I’m a man who’s taken a step out off the parched earth and into lush Kentucky bluegrass. I’m leaving My Desert. And it IS good. Blessedly good.

How do I finally write what I’ve been putting off for some time? I HAVE been crazy busy the past 4 weeks with work. Aside from that, I’m hesitant to “proclaim” that I’m in a new chapter of my life. I don’t want to be wrong. And the single superstitious bone inherited from my grandmother tells me “don’t jinx it!” But I feel more strongly about those things INTERNAL than EXTERNAL. And for that, I can say, I Am New.

I had a series of FORTUNATE events this past month. I’ll try to tell them in a helpful way.

Some eagle-eyes will have noticed that my “Résumé” went into the sidebar over on the right in the past month. And speculation be true–I’m closing my business. In March I sent résumés to Apple, Google, Yahoo!, and many other businesses in the SF Bay Area. Likewise, I was dog-earing open opportunities in select markets trailing back to humble Indiana. Honestly, I was casting to the west coast and trolling back home, hoping I’d snag something OUT THERE before submitting the obligatory queries to places much closer to home.

I had sold Kim on the notion that we had ZILCH in options here in Columbus. We were getting by, but largely unhappy. And we didn’t want to sign up for another season just to end up back here again. So, I kept watching the big job sites for possibilities.

MONDAY

Then one night, during dinner, Kim was looking glum, and launched into a litany about being purposeless. I had heard it before, but this time it was different. You see, for the preceding 3 weeks, I had been chanting an inner mantra, “Find a job that lets you provide for your family and build into your future.” Not bad. In fact, honorable. I thought that meant a certain level of fiscal security. And when Kim said “I have no purpose” one more time, I thought, “Man. I have an obligation here. I can’t LET her feel this way.”

Uncharacteristically, I said, “let’s just stop and pray about it.” I launched into a generic prayer of sorts, and just asked God for MORE than what we had. I felt that was selfish, and quickly added, “I know it’s selfish, Lord, to ask for MORE when I haven’t even been CONTENT with what you’ve given me.

And that’s as far as I was able to get.

The word CONTENT literally CRUSHED me. I started to cry–WEEP like I had never before. I wasn’t CONTENT. I’m not talking “happy” or “joyful.” I’m talking CONTENT: graciously satisfied with what’s been given to you. I realized for the first time in FOREVER I was ABSOLUTELY discontent with EVERYTHING in my life. God, the church, my marriage, my job/business, where I lived, other relationships, EVERYTHING that mattered. I was being a brat of a child and oh, so NOT content. This realization made me feel awful. I couldn’t stop cataloguing ways being discontent was trickling down into consequences with serious gravity: my sin patterns, my failures as as husband, a friend, a Believer.

Even now it seems like such a small thing to screw up, and yet again a small thing to have such an emotional reaction to. Granted, for that seed to sprout THAT quickly, the soil around it had to have a certain consistency. And it did have those conditions or elements or whatever. The context of it was JUST RIGHT for me to be THAT impacted, convicted, and convinced that I was WRONG. That I had been acting selfishly for YEARS and letting this cataract obscure and distort my vision for way too long.

Eventually, the tears stopped, and there was my wife, my loving, beautiful wife, holding my hand and concerned for me. “What was THAT about?,” she asked. I told her I had NO idea other than what it was. That I felt TERRIBLY shameful for realizing what opportunity costs I had squandered by being DIScontent. I’m still trying to understand it. I may be skewed, over-reacting, etc. But I know one thing:

I recognize Eric Nentrup again for the first time in at LEAST 5 years. I make sense to myself once again, and boy, does that empower a person!

Well, that was only Monday, and a week full of OTHER discoveries followed. I woke up Tuesday morning and joined Kim for breakfast. She noticed something I had missed–I had a BLACK EYE. My left eye had broken blood vessels along the ridge of my eye socket. It was from crying so hard so long and rubbing my eyes. God have effectively cold-cocked me, and I had the shiner to show for it.

TUESDAY

I’ve been a video producer for Kingdom Building Ministries for nearly 5 years now. They were an early regular client for my business, and have stayed with me in one capacity or another through many changes on both sides of the fence.

Dave Ward, commenter here on my blog, but more notably a staff member and Itinerant Speaker, and MOST important to me, a dear friend of 10 years now, returned a call Tuesday afternoon. We had been working on some new projects and he was following up with me. Mid-conversation, he turns and asks me, “Why aren’t you out here, Eric?” Meaning, why wasn’t I on staff at KBM? Easily, I laid out my reasons which he summarized as follows: I don’t like the idea of asking people for their money to support me, I don’t want to go back into a box of Christian Ministry, and thirdly, I have ALL this bad business debt that I have to unload first.

Well, he dispelled the first two reasons quickly, and changed my opinions about those. The third one though was just too personal.

I started this business in late 1999 after NOT being able to get a job in Indianapolis because I lacked necessary experience. And I was too proud to start at the bottom. It’s true. And I assumed a LOT of debt to do this business. I’ve paid it down, refinanced, and taken on more, and would you believe that after 5.5 years, I am STILL carrying as much debt? Fortunately, I’ve always been able to pay it, but it seems I can’t unload it. And I have 4 more years on my lending note. So I’ve thought to myself that I’m TETHERED to it until I can pay it off entirely.

Dave asked me if I trusted God to provide for it. I said, sure, but He’s likely going to “provide” by giving me a strong back, so to speak. He argued with me. And then he won with a swift blow. He helped me realize that I was willing to trust God with something as SUBJECTIVE and unusual, if not plain WEIRD as providing “salvation” from my sins and offenses by dying on a cross for me, but that I didn’t trust that He could provide a specific dollar amount to free me from my business debt.

I had some serious cognitive dissonance here. I had to deal with it. Those two thoughts could NOT coexist in even contiguous lobes of my brain. They couldn’t exist in the same ZIP CODE for crying criminy. I realized that I not only had to ask God for his help in paying for my debt in the months ahead, but that I had to TRUST HIM TO PROVIDE FULLY. And so I started to cry again.

Earlier in the conversation Dave made a convincing appeal of WHY it made practical sense for me to be out there at KBM: my skills, my life-experiences to date, my tenure as a sub-contractor for them. He gave that starker contrast by nailing my struggles and frustration with my for-profit business. I’ve known for a LONG time I wasn’t a business man. And I’ve known for 2 years I needed out. But my contradictory (yet secularly logical) belief in having to finish the business (debt and all) first, kept me from doing something like this.

And I knew I was wrong.

WEDNESDAY

I had a meeting at a production company in Indianapolis. They had been courting me to be a freelance writer/producer, after my initial contact weeks before. We were simply meeting to keep the path well mowed, and to give me a chance to see their facilities. They were VERY imnpressive. I walked the halls looking into many a Macintosh-laden editing/designing room, feeling a bit at home–as I had found “my people.” My buttons were being pushed.

During the meeting, I told my contact that I likely wasn’t going to be around in the long term–that I was job-hunting. The meeting was good. But as I was pulling out of their parking lot, I absent-mindedly dialed Dave on my cell. I told him about the meeting I had just taken, and how cool their facility was. He immediately replied, “But you don’t feel like you’d have any purpose there, do you?” Without missing a beat, I answered with something like, “Not a bloody ounce.”

I had turned the corner. I was internalizing the lessons: that I had been WRONG, that I had NOT been content in heart, and that I wasn’t trusting God FULLY with my life and direction. I hadn’t been believing.

Truly believing God. And this is coming from someone who’s YET to receive the “proof” of that trust (which I KNOW I can only get by GOING). But I’m owning up to the fact that the biggest burden in my life is something I just cannot handle on my own. I’ve always been willing to carry it, but I learned recently that I’ve never been willing to fully let go of it.

John Howell’s been telling me “you got to let it go” an awful lot recently–particularly towards the Church. But, the ambiguity of that cliché was KILLING me. And now, I can confidently report to him that I have. I’ve let go of thinking I’ll eventually become a feature filmmaker if I just stay the course, that life was just plain hard and this is all there was, that I had to play the hand I’d been dealt and wasn’t allowed to consider anything else until the round was over.

I’ve let go of those things, realizing my true passion and calling in life takes those skills and puts them to use for bringing individuals into a closer relationship with Jesus, and in bringing the Church into a truer sense of their purpose and function. Now I was sure.

I know I cried at some point in the day.

THURSDAY

A day of rest. I was exhausted. But I still cried at some point again. I was fractured. Couldn’t contain the tears.

FRIDAY

Per Dave’s request, I talked to Rob Cupp, Exec. Director of HR at KBM, and told him about my week, and what I’d been learning. The conversation was VERY necessary. And we both knew what was ahead. Kim and I were supposed to be THERE.

I know I’ve not said much about her input throughout the week, but the thing is, SHE has been waiting on ME to get these things sorted out. She has been ready to go to KBM since I FIRST discovered a sense of magnetism towards the ministry. That was TWO BLOODY YEARS ago.

At the end of the day, I started dinner. I had three burners going when Kim got home that night, and asked me how my conversation went, I told her I was 99.9% certain we were supposed to move to Denver. We talked and talked. And I burned all three pots on the stove, including the peas!

SATURDAY

Those closest to me have called me restless, hyper, wired, fired-up, angry, fickle, selfish, cynical, bitter, thick-headed, moody, artsy-fartsy, just to name a few. I’ll own each one of those as part of my makeup at different times. Somedays I can keep those attributes in check, but most know that while I’m wrangling a handful of those traits, a couple run amok, painting me in anything but a desirable light. Thanks to my gracious friends who’ve put up with me, I can say I’ve been a downright ass on many occasions. Not the beligerrent, “sir you’re making a scene” customer in a restaurant, but certainly a charcoal cloud of nay-saying, frustation, and contradiction.

I’m sure it would be folly for me to say I’ll never feel those ways again, but how I had been directing those emotions and sentiments (let alone the sheer frequency and intensity) has changed.

Rudy was attending a weekend class at Asbury a few weeks ago. Concurrent with that was an outreach ministry taking place at Sandy Hook, where Kim and I WERE members up until a year-and-a-half ago. Rudy asked me if I’d take his place helping out. I didn’t think it a strange thing at all, I was helping Rudy, and my friend Bill who organized the event. The event itself is the occasional free oil change program they’ve been doing for sometime now. I’m all for practical service–it clicks with me more than a “public worship service” or hanging church invitations on doorknobs. So, I committed and showed up to get my hands dirty.

It was good to see the regulars I used to go there with: Bill, Jim, Chad, and others. It was also nice to meet some new fellas. But the thing I didn’t expect arrived in a mid-eighties Pontiac station wagon. Arrived may be too gentle a verb–more like “rolled in on fumes and grace.” I didn’t pay much attention to the vehicle (most that day were like that) or it’s driver until I saw Bill trying to desperately to understand this guy. I walked over and realized he was deaf. Bill quickly passed him off to me and we went inside where there was food for those who were waiting on their cars. He motioned for pen and paper. Though I hadn’t been to Sandy Hook in 16 months, I still knew where to forage for office supplies and helped myself.

The ensuing exchange of scribbles eventually revealed this guy had driven from the next county over for the free oil change and service he needed. But also that his ALSO deaf wife, and two daughters needed groceries and gas money to get through the weekend until they could cash their Social Security check on Monday. Instantly I knew one of my other hang-ups was being challenged. I had to give to this guy.

I cried while punching the keys at the ATM. I knew yet again I was in a new place, for just a few weeks prior, I had told Kim we couldn’t afford to support some other friends in ministry. We couldn’t “afford it,” I had reasoned. I was WRONG. Here was my chance to fix that heart-matter.

Later that day, I threw one more curve-ball Kim’s direction. I suggested we go back to Sandy Hook UMC until we leave for Denver. I started to flinch, expecting her to throw something at me (not really–Kim grew up with NO brothers, therefore she doesn’t throw things, gladly). But she just said, “Okay.”

I had a sense to do this a few months ago–after kicking the tires on about every other church in the newspaper’s church listings. But that was out of desperation, as in–there isn’t anything ELSE out there, might as well go back to the one we were at! This motivation was different. It says, “This is our home church. We will come back here when we are in town. We will accept a send-off from these people and will keep them in our prayers. We will SHARE in the work ahead.” This was right.

SUNDAY

We went to Sandy Hook UMC for church. It was VERY emotional. Especially for Kim. And as I write this, we’ve been back for the last 3 Sundays as well. Our departure some time ago was due to my discontent. I recognize that. Just to pull the plug and walk away, no explanation needed. And to be so readily accepted BACK, not only felt right for US, but them too. I swear, if there was a fattened calf within reach, they’d have slaughtered it for us!

THE FOLLOWING WEEK

So I got up pre-dawn Monday to fly to Denver for a trip that had been scheduled WAY prior to the above occurrences. I knew that the timing was absolutely perfect. When I got back Friday night, I crawled into bed with Kim (who notoriously retires early and sleeps the WHOLE night through without disturbance) and we laid there in the dark talking about our hearts, our calling, our purpose, our certainty until 4am.

Chris and Torrey were over for dinner recently and the next day, Chris IM’ed me to say we both seemed more happy, energetic, peaceful, and joyful than he could remember. He even said for the first time in a while, I wasn’t UPTIGHT! That was so affirming to hear.

LASTLY

So, that’s what’s been keeping me from writing my typical op-ed stuff recently. Change is upon us in a real way. I don’t need anyone to explain things any differently than the way I’ve been experiencing them. Dave Ward was right when he pointed out that things synchronize when you commit to doing what you were put on earth to do, and the gears grind when you don’t. So true. Kim and I are both now in the early stages of figuring out what it means to shift from being biz owners in Columbus, Indiana to unconventional missionaries on staff with KBM in Denver. We have a lot to learn and a lot to accomplish.

On that note, we’ve decided to launch yet ANOTHER blog (Eric AND Kim) that will be our basecamp for sharing with our partners what we’ll be doing and ultimately what we ARE doing through KBM. I’ll notify each of you when we get that uploaded. In the meanwhile PLEASE check out Kim’s site, Publish Peace as she’s decided to take her thoughts public!

For now, I’m just enjoying that sense of being CORRECT for the first time in forever. That and enjoying the respite from all this time in the wilderness. God is speaking to me. He is changing my heart and my habits, and I couldn’t be more CONTENT than I am just sitting in the grass with Him. I realize it won’t be that way indefinitely, but I know I can His rely on presence and proximity in those situations in the future.

Kim and I had been restless for a while, just feeling groundless. That’s all changed, and I’ll tell you more about that in a day or two. But for now just know we were getting by, but that’s about it.

So, I pushed back from my laptop, unable to do any more work, and grabbed my shoes. I pulled out a burnt orange corduroy coat that was my grandfather’s in the late 70’s and headed out the door.

As I was walking along, I was lost in self-loathing thoughts wondering HOW I got where I was and what to do next with my life. In the midst of that, my toe caught something on the sidewalk and sent it clattering ahead of me. I went towards the object, and THIS is what I found.

The bloody control key from a discarded computer keyboard. The control key. I glanced back and saw where it came from, the rest of an old keyboard left where that residence’s trash can sits on Friday mornings.

But the CONTROL key. There are like 106 OTHER keys it could’ve been. Read into it what you will. Holding it in my flat palm, I just stared at it in between frosty breaths. Then I held it out to God and said, “You have my attention, and I’m giving THIS to you.” I pocketed it, knowing it was indicative of something yet to come.

Kim agreed when I showed her later that night. In fact, she thought it was downright divine and couldn’t have been MORE CLEARLY MEANT for me. “God is speaking YOUR language,” she beamed.

Amazing.

In my next post, I’ll share the significant events that have occurred since finding that Control Key. And brace yourselves. It won’t be brief.

Our good friend Brother Maynard quoted a Leonard Sweet book on a recent post:

So far, I have this: in one sense, the story isn’t about Abraham at all, it’s about Isaac… or Israel. Rather than being about a man willing to sacrifice his son, it’s about a son who has perhaps done nothing wrong but is nonetheless about to be killed as an offering… and yet was spared when God intervened.

And within the past couple weeks, I came across this quote from an unlikely source:

“What if you discovered that the least of the brethren of Jesus, the one who needs your love the most, the one you can help the most by loving, the one to whom your love will be most meaningful—what if you discovered that this least of the brethren of Jesus… is you?”

–Carl Jung

And lately, what I’m coming to realize is that I’m NOT Abraham, but Isaac, and that I’m NOT the one helping but the one being helped.

These thoughts encapsulate a sense of brokenness I’m experiencing right now even better than the full unabridged story on my mind.

But I hope to share it as well soon. Stay tuned.

How many times do you see a creator of a given entity hand over the reigns of his/her creation to someone else and then see the thing go down hill?  Two examples immediately come to mind.  One is when God decided to let Adam have at it in the garden and the other is when Steve Jobs left Apple the first time.  Both had dire consequences.  The good news is that after the fall, both are in process of being saved by their respective creator-admittedly one is far bigger reclamation project than the other.  With these examples in mind as cautionary tales Eric Nentrup is nonetheless handing over the keys, for at least one blog, to me Rudy Olivo.  Hopefully this experience will be better than the other two.  Thanks for reading….

Have you heard the Chris Rice song, “What if cartoons got saved?”  Its a cute song.  Have you heard morning drive time Christian DJs?  They speak to each other in cutsie language.  Have you gone to your local Christian bookstore?  Its full of a lot of cute crap.

I’m not sure if this is my issue or if it is a possibly major issue we the church need to deal with.  I must admit that even I fall into the trap of the sing-songy, smurfarrific Christian language from time to time.  A couple days ago I sent an e-mail and as I hit the send button, I realized I wrote a line that said, “I had a really awesome prayer time while praying for…”  That was true, but it was in the context of a serious, possibly grave situation.  My legitimate joy in the Lord made me want to puke.  Okay, not the joy itself, but the way I communicated it.  I’m unsure of the impact it had on the receiver of the e-mail, but it made me think it was poorly worded.

There was a recent issue of Time magazine devoted to happiness.  It was an insightful look at how people view happiness.  One of the thoughts that interested me is why we as a society find art so great when it causes a stirring of melancholy or even pain, but if it makes you feel all warm inside or if you laugh so hard you spit your Hoegaarden (if you haven’t tried this outstanding Belgian wheat ale, you are missing out) out your nose it is fluff.  Why is Adam Sandler a buffoon, but Russell Crowe is a freaking genius?

A short joke interlude:  Whats the difference between God and Russell Crowe?  God doesn’t think he is Russell Crowe.

Do these same misgivings of what is truly art bleed over into our view of the spiritual world?  This site has dealt with angst.  I have learned much through the struggles that Eric shares and the personal thoughts and experiences that others have written.  Would I learn the same through joyful stories, or would I blow it off as overly happy, not dealing with real life Christians?

I’ve experienced some difficulty in the recent past.  Actually, it has been more painful than anything else I’ve ever seen.  In the midst of it, I’ve seen a change in my spiritual life.  Today, and over the last 3 or 4 days I’ve felt like I’ve had a direct line to God.  I’ve been given over to talking like a morning Christian DJ.  It sucks, but its great at the same time.  It sucks because when I feel and communicate this way I know I immediately remove myself from the understanding of some people (people like me).  I also fear that some will see my behavior in a manner that lessens the gravity of what I’m experiencing or like I don’t hold important what really is.

Some say perception is reality.  Is it?  If so, maybe we need to keep quiet more and get more busy (busier?).  For those of you indoctrinated into Christian culture for many years, do you remember the old Petra song, “Sometimes Gods children should be seen and not heard”?  I think we need to remember this not only when we are trying to quiet the guy down who is yelling hate speak on the local corner, but also when we just don’t have anything to say and try to sugar it up so much that it drives people away.  When you feel that connection with God where you can’t describe the experience any other way than the flowery language, than do so.  If not, don’t.  The false pretense lessens the way people are able to perceive the power and the truth of God.

A quote from Henri Nouwen to conclude my thoughts….

“Sometimes it seems that our many words are more an expression of our doubt than of our faith.  It is as if we are not sure that God’s Spirit can touch the hearts of people: we have to help him out and, with many words, convince others of his power.  but it is precisely this wordy unbelief that quenches fire.” (The Way of the Heart 39)

< -2 />

Disclosure: Any referenced Books, Movies, Music, etc. that link to Amazon.Com, or the search box in the sidebar,now benefit EricNentrup.Com. If you’re going to order something through Amazon, and don’t mind making a stop here first to do so, you’re patronage is greatly appreciated!

Quickly, the group’s number spilled over the amount of available chairs. I opted to give them my table and chairs and move to another part of the coffee shop. One woman in particular wanted to make sure they weren’t running me off. She even invited me to join them! I declined so I could get this written. But now, I’ve got iTunes Radio on FolkAlley.com and I’m trying to drown out the fellow leading the group. He’s PREACHING back there!

If you’re wondering whether or not I’m going to bash them, I’m not. From what I can tell you, THAT is church back there. And I’m hoity toity enough to believe that writing ABOUT church is more important than accepting the impromptu invitation to experience a communal interaction with others talking about the Word of God.

Funny. I almost wish they HAD done something to offend me! I wish I had a reason to NOT like what they’re doing back there. But I can’t and here’s why:

Anymore, I’m convinced that what happens on Sundays is NOT church. It’s a gathering OF the church. Again, those 8-10 people I can see over my left shoulder ARE CHURCH.

I’m even starting to understand John Howell’s recent reply: John Howell:

…once I started focusing on meeting God every day, every place, every time and changing the things about me that I needed to, then I finally realized that the church is inconsequential in the grand scheme of my life. Inconsequential in the sense that I don’t need the church, I need God. nothing more and nothing less.

He can correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think he means “Sunday morning” not “church.”

I asked Rudy last night at Starbucks where the word CHURCH came from. He pointed to ecclesia and of course, I looked it up to make sure I spelled it right. And I learned that though our definition of church has come from that word, perhaps the word itself likely came from another Greek word, kuriakon. I’m having My Big Fat Greek Wedding flashbacks now. Those words mean gathering or Lord’s House, respectively. In the here and now, I’m okay with the former but NOT the latter. Let’s face it–the Greeks liked their buildings. And the noble effort they put into building them with such quality is ironic, considering that many of them are still standing (if only a few columns) whereas most “churches” being built today have about as much staying power as an Indiana mobile home. That’s not terribly impressive.

You’d think that by now I’d be OVER THIS. And I nearly am. But I have to keep checking these thoughts. I need help with this. I could keep arguing about these semantics, but I think I’m just avoiding writing about what I feel I need to write about this morning.

My articles’ title has your attention, and honestly, I’m not sure if I can draw the threads tight between the things in the list. I’ll try, but leave it up to you (in the comments) to help me finish the job.

Getting To It.

A woman walks up to a well. Bear with me, this is a good one. But I’m thinking of a particular Samaritan woman and her public conversation with Jesus. What do we know about the situation? Deductively, Jesus broke about 18 social mores in one fell swoop. Talking to a Samaritan, knowingly talking to a woman of ill repute, sheesh–just talking to a WOMAN. You likely already know the story. It’s in John 4 if you want to open up another window and read through it, though.

I’d like to think we can be issue-conscious without being issue-CENTRIC, much like Jesus was to this woman. Well, he was BOTH. He’s the ultimate player-manager here. I mean, he does BOTH roles of the church and the Christ. The Bride & the Groom, in union.

There are hot POLITICAL issues today that are equivocal to Jesus approaching her. I’m trying to steer clear of specifics because we all have cataracts towards them and I’m not sure you’ll hear me if I open the can of worms by listing an example or two. That’s important, because a GLARING FAILURE I see right now is the fact that WE never even MAKE IT to the well because of all the damn issues we get snared with en route. Issues that are earthbound. Issues that won’t exist in eternity. And ultimately, issues that by involving ourselves in them won’t make a flying flip of a difference because ultimately, they’re judgment calls beyond our authority and jurisdiction. Our blind judgment (which we think is supported by scripture, but really, we’ve been deceived) keeps us from introducing Jesus to our Samaritans.

Oh, just for fun, some of you will enjoy reading THIS. But, some of you won’t finish this article if you follow the link. You know who you are. Ironically, THIS GUY actually DOES what I was too afraid to do here. I take that as something. I’m not sure what, just something.

It’s just that, these days, I’m afraid of being one of the gasping on-lookers who just stared in disbelief at their interaction. I’m afraid that instead of emulating Him I am only able to nitpick and judge when faced with a similar circumstance. Have any of us ever belonged to a church where we took a risk of “lowering our standards” and had it “taken over by homosexuals?” Yeah, me neither. But I have seen many a church ruined by crappy teaching, inflated budgets, and lousy music. Well, ruined for me.

I think of working on a “man on the street” video for church (what’s with that anyway?). It was two or three years ago, and I was out with Matt and Jim looking for answers to the question, “What is church?” Upon passing a popular local bar, I said we should stop. Matt especially got a kick out of the idea of getting this question answered in there. Being the “professional” I pretend to be, I asked the waitress if I could speak to the manager. He wasn’t there so she vetted my question for permission to shoot in there. I introduced myself and told her that we were with such and such church. She cuts me off and tells me I shouldn’t even be in there! Isn’t that hysterical? We’re so good at telling others what’s right and wrong that even on a subconscious level her belief system told her that WE didn’t belong there!

Much the same as the Samaritan Woman at the well. Jesus SHOULD NOT be talking to her, according to what she’d been taught. But he corrected that. And I keep going back to the text, trying to find WHERE he told her to “go and sin no more,” as he often did. And it’s not there. Which doesn’t mean he condoned her lifestyle–he just sought a deeper levl of priority in relationship with her. In NOT “fixing her” Jesus accomplished so much more!

And hear the result:

v.39 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. 41 And because of his words many more became believers.

Ironically, this well was Jacob’s Well and isn’t it interesting–there just so happens to be ANOTHER good “woman walks up to a well” story that consequently involves Jacob himself. How about a quick review:

The woman was Rachel. She’s pretty. Jacob kisses her. Jacob sacrifices to EARN her marriage. He gets Leah instead. She’s the ugly sister. So he continues his pursuit. He eventually gets Rachel too. Then he’s whipped as their sugar daddy, going back and forth between their tents, unable to sate their unquenchable thirst for MORE children. Let’s not forget that poor Jake didn’t even get a break when the women themselves couldn’t bear children who then called in their own respective maidservants to pinch hit for them! Notice: there’s not much written about Jacob complaining or feeling slighted for being reduced to a sperm bank.

Friend, Dave Drury has used this story in metaphor more than once with me. He likes to think of the church as Rachel and basically anything else “we settle for” as Leah. A distraction from the true prize. I’ve given it a bunch of thought and I don’t think it holds water.

It’s a broken analogy because, the church is BOTH sisters. And chasing ONE OR THE OTHER is a danger. We do that. We only chase the fickle, hottie Rachel, or we stay put with the dependable, yet not-so-glamorous Leah. However you want to interpret it, one thing’s certain historically. It took BOTH wives (and their maidservants) to birth the nation of Israel. BOTH, in a not-so-graceful progression, were needed to manifest God’s plan for fulfilling His promise to Abraham.

The Open Source Church.

I think Open Source Church is part of the solution. And I’m not alone on this:

Since both software development and theology represent the description and assembly of a complex system, I think the parallels are apt. Since the Free software movement and GNU/Linux in particular probably represent one of the first consciously-destructured community approaches to a complex project, I suggest that Emergent could learn much from the structure employed there, even though it won’t likely translate directly.
–Brother Maynard of SubversiveInfluence.com

This is a great site, and the harmony with OUR conversation is NOT happenstance. If you don’t have a real job, spend the day surfing and reading about his struggles and process. Especially his journey with church and small groups.

But his point is well-made, and concurrent with my thoughts prior to discovering his site. So, allow me quickly teach thou luddites in attendance the virtue and philosophy of all things Open Source. Wikipedia.org defines “Open Source” thusly:

Open source refers to projects that are open to the public and which draw on other projects that are freely available to the general public. Openness, open content, and communal are other related topics. This article deals mostly with computer software.
Open source or open-source software (OSS) is any computer software distributed under a license which allows users to change and/or share the software freely. Many programs use a specific license agreement satisfying the Open Source Definition.

Rudy’s now doing his mock of me speaking in binary. Let the record stand that I have NEVER spoken binary. Only Klingon. Seriously–it’s described as COMMUNAL. And if you’re visiting the Wikipedia for the first time, I should let you know that it is an Open Source Encyclopedia. Yup. And would you believe it’s AHEAD of World Book and Brittanica in terms of it’s currency? How can they afford to do that? By leaving the door unlocked–you can add and/or edit at will per subjects you have a corner on. Huh?

“Open Source” has become a geek-buzzword because the internet has connected multitudes of smart individuals who were tired of dealing with the software giants for fixes, upgrades, and feature requests that were going unanswered. OpenOffice.org is probably the best mainstream example as they offer a FREE and current alternative to Microsoft Office.

Some of you are still using Internet Explorer to read this article. And you’ve heard my admonition to FLEE from it and use Firefox instead. It’s just BETTER, it’s free, and it’s a very popular piece of software made as Open Source by unpaid coders.

Let me try again. I shall lead by example.

That’s my entry that I wrote myself. Please, add to it. Granted by the time you read this, the Wikipedia Gatekeepers (all volunteers) may designate my page as narcism, which they flag as a deal-breaker, and yank my entry from the database before I get to prove my awesome point, and you get to tell the world what you think about me.

And that point is simply this. We’re in an era where THIS MODEL must be applied to our “God-Process.” It must become communal and non-hierarchical. It must become full-access. Denominational (even NON-Denominational) approaches are simply a capitalist application to church. It’s competitive, labeling, exclusive, and likewise prone to bloat.

Open Source software is organic, non-hierarchical, lean in process AND product, and EVERYONE has access–if she would so desire. Shouldn’t our “God-Process” be no different? Shouldn’t we AS INDIVIDUALS be changed and affected IN COMMUNITY with no restraint in our access to the Heart of God? I think we should be able to learn, share, participate, and receive, just as these software coders have done with their work. For the record, I’m just an observer of technology, not an expert or participating coder, but from what I can see, the movement having it’s impact on the big dogs such as Microsoft. It’s changing their game plans which is an affirmation that it works if it can lever such a big entity.

Side-note: Apple’s last HUGE operating system shift was to build on the foundation of the Unix system, which is in many ways the genesis of the open source movement. And in while sitting here, a friend walked into the coffee shop, saw my laptop and struck up “the Apple conversation” with me. He looks forward to buying an Apple Computer soon, but can’t quite afford too yet (or so he believes). Yet he DID have the foresight last spring to buy 200 shares of Apple stock when it was going for $18/share. It closed in the $80 range recently and he used some earnings to buy himself an iPod. Well, APPLE bought him the iPod! Amazing. But, as usual, I digress–slightly.

What about OUR source code as believers–that which is written on our hearts? Didn’t Jesus create unrestricted access to that? I’d like to think he did for that woman. And man, she sure took it and ran.

Some of your remember taking the “ISTEP Test.” I’m doing the Standardized Testing analogy “a baloo is a bear” right now in my mind, but I’m using the phrase “traditional big-building church is Microsoft.” I’m trying to compare the two things from different universes, looking for helpful similarities. Here’s what I’m coming up with: Too big for it’s own good, unable to listen to it’s support base and implement it’s requests. It’s not carrying it’s own weight, but for most folks, good enough because it’s all we’ve got. Wrong. It’s all we’ve HAD until recently.

The “House Church” movement is here. I’m learning about it, and I LOVE what I see. It makes sense on so many levels with me, though I’ve yet to participate in one. But when I do, I know that that’s just what I’ll do–participate. I think I’m ready to see the shift happen from first, big gathering, second small gathering, to SMALL gathering first, LARGE gathering secondly.

They’re building a “stand alone” Starbucks in town. Yes, believe it or not, the only one we have is the one in the new Target. And it’s on my side of town. I kind of look forward to the idea that not too into the future, I can squint and see the church I attend back there at the table and in the soft chairs. I can even see us getting together for Easter or Christmas at the Commons downtown with a few other groups for a larger bash.

I think it’d be exciting to get a fresh cup of strong coffe, sit down, and share “source code” with these other people–these other Samaritans who met Jesus.

The past few months have yielded pockets of time where I put the blinders on and focused on a subject indefinitely, trying to figure out why it resonated with me at some level. Most of these subjects are ones that have left me whispering out loud in the car or at my desk, “Yeah! THIS makes sense to me!” So, I guess the qualifier I’ve tried to use has been: “if I have enough reaction to something to move from thinking the common and not too noteworthy ‘Hmm! THAT’S cool!’ to ‘THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME!’ THEN it’s worth further examination. Or so I’d like to think.

Let’s just take these three examples for today: PHILOSOPHY/VALUES, CHURCH, and INDVIDUALS

Let’s start with…

Church.

Surprised? I’ve had a few experiences (very few) that have caught my attention so. Denominationally speaking, since it in the publics of evangelical participants, THIS is how we relate, there is ONE CHURCH in particular that I have YET to be able to jab at. And it’s the Vineyard Church. I do NOT know them very well, but have figured out that as a relatively young organization (20 or so years) they don’t have the baggage of other denominations that are quagmired in ridiculously obsolete and culturally irrelevant belief systems.

Granted, my experience with the Vineyard Churches has been limited–there is no local branch–but I feel as much of an affinity to them currently as I do anything else out there. In fact, I’ve only visited TWO of them, and have immensely enjoyed both the Cincy Vineyard (who stream their services here) as well as the Greenwood Vineyard. What makes them work? I have no idea. It certainly goes beyond their “core values”. I’ve learned this past week that MOST churches are IDENTICAL when you ONLY read their core values. But when I continue to read through the website(s) of the Vineyard Church and think about how WHO THEY SAY THEY are matches up with my experiences there, I think, YEAH THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME!

Individuals.

One Person currently on my Individuals list that makes sense to me is Bono, lead singer of U2. I’m hesitant to expound on it much, for I fear sounding pretentious about it. Of course, I’m a fan of U2 & Bono, but I don’t LAUD him. I just dig his process.

And those of you closest to me know I’m a PROCESS junkie. What about Bono’s Process? Well, other than the fact that he’s quite the family man (despite his on stage persona) with a decades old marriage and many kids, I love the fact that he puts his money where his mouth is with his activism. If you’re like me, it’s easy to pan celebrities with causes–face it, they’re usually just a pretty face to raise the value of the stock of these otherwise humble humanitarian efforts.

But with Bono, if you pay attention to his involvement with DATA, Amnesty International, and Jubilee, you realize a shaming truth that is nothing short of a servant’s heart: HE LOVES PEOPLE AND HE LOVES GOD. And this Irishman cares more about the United State’s government and it’s role in the global community MORE THAN ANY high-profile American Evangelical of influence.

Last year, his efforts were documented in Christianity Today. Shortly after this profile was published, I was in a conversation with a mixed group of believers discussing the validity of this article (and of course, the validity of such a man as Bono). In the midst of it, I proclaimed something to the effect of, “The Post-Modern church needs a bishop, and Bono is that man!” I smile a bit thinking back on that somewhat-silly-somewhat-prophetic comment. But I made the statement because HE makes sense to me.

While writing about Bono, I tell you honestly that in my mind, I keep thinking to U2’s most recent appearance on Saturday Night Live. In the closing chords of one of their songs (Was it Vertigo? All Because of You?) Bono ad-libs, “He LOVES you! He LOVES you! He LOVES you!” Just thought he’d slide that truth in at the last second! THAT makes sense to me.

Philosophy / Values.

Okay. I’ll confess that this “category” on my outline currently only contains ONE quotable. Perhaps I’m not reading enough. Certainly I could fill it with all sorts of credos that I obviously subscribe to, but there’s those that have been fully internalized, and those that are still at that magic moment of sperm-meets-ovum. The one that’s on my mind of late is this:

There is nothing more important to humanity’s physical, psychic, social, and political survival and well-being than the conversion to hydrogen fuel.

–Walter Murch (from Behind the Seen by Charles Koppelman)

What’s so inspiring about that quote I should use CONCEPTION as a metaphor, let alone rank it as a “THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME” item? I’ll tell you. It lands SO CLOSE to the intersection of all things relevant right now. Not just to me, but to the world. And to me that’s worth not just putting it on my “list”, but also putting it up there for discussion’s sake.

Walter Murch is a heralded film editor. I lifted that quote, (which was merely an incidental journal entry of Murch’s) from a book about the editing of the film “Cold Mountain.” The book, I purchased and read, as a professional-development exercise, simply put. It is NOT a political manifesto about our role in the middle-east war and our quest for foreign oil. No, far from it. but this little quote buried in the midst of the technical discussion about putting together this film, caught me. It said to me not just that idealism and breakthroughs need to come to pass, but that our angst in many levels culturally can be changed. Perhaps not alleviated, but shifted. And it MAY happen within our lifetimes! THIS is relevant to me, to the church, and to our legacy.

And, Oh, Weblogs Make Sense to Me…

Through happenstance in the “blogosphere,” I came upon THIS phenomenal weblog entry written by Javier Grillo-Marxuach. I stumbled across it this morning while preparing to write. He’s a TV writer/producer, I’m going to let it speak for itself, and in fact, speak for MYself as well. It’s a very well-written and worthwhile, yet lengthy read, regardless of your spiritual or political affiliation. Oh, and it’s a TWO-PARTER, so when you finish the first part, scroll up and click the green right-facing triangle to take you to part TWO.

THIS artical made MUCHO sense to me. I don’t necessarily expect it to for you, but please return here and tell me what you think–if it does NOT make sense to you, TELL ME WHAT DOES.

That said, I’m going to wrap it up here. I know my first two entries in this new “direction” of my weblog have been VERY lengthy. And judging by the comments and offline conversations I’m having with all of you kind readers, I think smaller, more frequent posts maybe a better approach.

So. I have a “tack” for the next post already and will be putting it up sooner than later. In the meanwhile, enjoy the article I linked to above, consider “WHAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU?” and give me a shout back in the COMMENTS area below.

Coming Soon…”The Hooker, The Healer, & Open Source Church”

First a confession. I don’t think Kim and I are going back to that church we’ve been trying. Now we might–I COULD be mistaken. But I doubt it. There’s nothing “wrong” with that church, per se. We just don’t need it. And we’ve learned that we’re not going to affect change in such an environment. We just aren’t. I’m so sad about it. I wish we COULD just go there. But it’s ABSOLUTELY obvious that we can’t. We just can’t.

It’s not that there was some glaring contradiction to a core belief that made it absolute for me (and maybe for Kim too). But what I know at some level is that much like a cavity in a tooth, it starts as just a small surface pit but with time erodes to the point where only a root canal can save the tooth’s functionality. I don’t want even the surface pits. I want them filled and fluoride-protected.

I just had a few hot-buttons pushed on Sunday, and realized as much as I want to MAKE it work (for me) I don’t HAVE to. At least there. I felt as though we were “new church members harry & sally” and we were getting sent through the “Church Factory” at a steady pace. I looked down and saw the conveyor belt under my feet. And it was moving. Each person at the church seemed like another factory worker tweaking me here, testing us there–all mindlessly. Small groups, Saturday night chili cook off, etc. I was getting that very slight panicky sensation I’ve hinted at before. I realized I was being treated like a PRODUCT. And that is a non-negotiable.

Let me tell you what I want. I want to walk into a community of faith and NOT feel like a commodity or a raw material. I want to feel like a “new hire,” a member of the team. I want to be another blue-collar worker who learns the ropes–what others are doing and how I fit into the process. I want to be somewhere where the product isn’t “increased attendance” (or as churches LIKE to think, “conversions”), but instead, where we yield a fish-n-loaves amount of CHRIST’S LOVE in a variety of ways simple AND sublime. THAT’S what I want.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot last Sunday, I proposed to Kim that we NOT nitpick by listing the things that got on our nerves during the service–instead, let’s just KNOW those things are there and need not be announced. I went on to suggest that we intentionally talk about what DOES work for us.

Then I said I had NO commentary on what we just experienced. We just laughed and went to lunch with my grandparents.

Reflecting…

I wanted to wait as long as possible before following up just to see what became of the conversation. A lot of thoughts have trickled in over the past few weeks. Here are some interesting bits I liked–you can revisit the comments to see them in context:

Rudy’s quotables:

“I’m asking him with all my might to show me a miracle.”"We need to change something so that we can see Him work. As it is now, if God is working we don’t know it.”
Truth does not fear questioning, it invites it.

Rudy and I get to spend a fair amount of time together throughout the week and have plenty of conversations that shape my writing. The things we’ve been latching onto are the concepts of persistence, fearless reevaluation and making sure we don’t throw out the baby Jesus with the bathwater. He reached WAY back this week to a high school English teacher of ours who said “The purpose of purpose is to seek it not achieve it.” And that works well and segues nicely with Lonnie’s comments from the last post about “not having arrived.”

Lonnie:

“The places I used to fit in are now filled by other staff members. Where I used to have purpose and authority I now am just another face in the crowd.”
“…then God interrupted. “Since when has the point ever been about being comfortable or things being easy?”" …It’s about what I can bring…not what I take away.”

I’d never expect Lon to go all JFK on us, but it’s oh so true. Our needs are met by meeting others needs.

Jason:

“I have tired of the legalist philosophy that neatly places all hardship and joy in the Faith Walk into compact categories, and I am beginning to tire of the throw-all-rules-out-the-window philosophy I have adopted by default.”"(I) am unwilling to give it a chance”

Jason’s at the tail end of nearly a decade in Marion, Indiana where we went to college. I think he’s suffering from overstaying his welcome. But in doing so, he’s arrived at the same place we all are: done with the system.

Dave Ward.:

In an altogether separate (yet harmonizing) dialogue, Dave talked about Biblical Jacob’s metamorphosis into Israel. And even pointed out the etymologic roots of the name “Israel.”Isra = Wrestle El = God Now, THAT made sense to me. Here’s the rest of his thoughts:

“As far as spiritually grounded…what does that mean anyway? Spiritually grounded? Was Martin Luther spiritually grounded as he was making his big grace breakthroughs and breaking the rules, shaking his fist at the sky, and struggling with what to do with the church(REAL) that he hated and the church(POTENTIAL) that he loved? Was he spiritually grounded when he said “Trust God, sin boldly?” hmmm. Who CARES!!!!!!! Something’s amiss…so what? I am not trying to rush past your pain, minimize your confusion or fix you at all. BUT WHAT IF IT IS JUST PLAIN FINE THAT YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE HOW YOU ARE WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU HAVE, NONE OF THE ANSWERS YOU WANT, BUT YOU REFUSE TO STOP CARING, SEARCHING, LOOKING, ASKING, CHALLENGING, WRESTLING WITH GOD????”

Dave is my friend on earth who walks a VERY similar path–yet his valleys are often deeper than mine and his peaks are often higher. He grounds me in many ways by helping me to keep it all in perspective. Together we’ve learned that indeed there is MUCH uphill climbing. But the view only gets better as you go. I love how Dave has given me permission to be a “Professional Wrestler!” And I’m certain that applies to all of us.

Dave Drury:

Now, Dave Drury posted an encouraging “props to me” in the comments, which gives me the warm fuzzies, but what I ate up like a cheeseburger were his private comments too me via email and IM. And I’ll risk his wrath by posting them here!:

I’m not in the same place as you – because I went through my major transitions/questions of the church when we lived in Boston (at Harvard the classes are about 50% Unitarian, by the way – the first day I met a Unitarian Lesbian Studying to be a Minister was the first day I told myself = “You’re not in Indiana anymore, Toto.)”
…anyway – so I’m not there anymore – so it won’t be fun for you to have me in your dialogue because I’ll probably sound like a schmuck that smugly talks about “the other side” and “what it’s like to come out the other side.” You’ll likely end up questioning if I ever did REALLY question things and deconstruct with the intensity and angst that you are.  And that judgementalism will piss me off just like mine will piss you off.

And later in a chat….

I wonder if the experience you guys are having is from being a part of the conservative/backward church and then finding out that the emperor has no clothes..And I wonder why I haven’t had the same experience? My Dad did a great job of exposing me to the dirt behind the curtain in a healthy way…So I wonder if I always knew the church sucked… but that it still contained the seed for the future — so I’ve devoted my life to it.

Dave and his family are PROLIFIC and insightful writers. You could spend a week at their collective site and not get through all the good stuff. For those of you who don’t know Dave, he IS an anomaly. I love having him in my corner ESPECIALLY when I don’t agree with him! We’ve always had PLENTY and not enough in common simultaneously, that I hope he feels he can chime in to the dialogue. OR counter with thoughts on his site!!

Derek:

“SO, we can either bitch & moan all day long or we can do something about it! who’s gonna go first?”

What else can I say?!?!?! In a separate email, Derek pointed out an article in Charisma magazine called, “When Christians Quit Church.” Their site is LAME in the sense that they don’t put the full article online, but if you put the title in quotes and Google it, you’ll trip across some interesting conversation. More than that though, if you’re the churchy type and have been around the buzz of “The Purpose Driven Life,” you’ll enjoy reading Derek’s recently published article on the fad. Also notice this book is the only title I don’t link to amazon. If you read my lengthy discourse in reply to Derek’s article, you’ll understand why I don’t want you to rush out and buy it!

Mel:

I don’t feel God, I can’t see Him, I have been irritated with church, very disillusioned by “Christiandom” in general, and wondering, “what the @#$?”
I finally found a church that moves me closer to God. Where people admit they suck just as much as I do and they base their faith on actual scripture, what they have read and discussed, and encouragement from our church community. Amazing. Granted, it is no utopia.
I can’t see God and I can’t feel Him – it’s been that way for a long time now. But I do know He’s there…Sometimes I just have to choose knowing that He’s there instead of wondering why I can’t feel Him.”

Mel hits it on the head–we don’t want to be sheep being beaten by the shepherd. Nor do we want to be coddled like every Sunday is group therapy. We suck, we know each other also suck and we just want to be healthy anyhow, and prostrate ourselves before God!!!

Karen:

You expressed what I have been unable to put into words. Do either of you know about <a href=”http://www.sojo.net>Sojourners ? .  I need to do more digging, read more articles about/by them, etc., but I’m drawn to their mission.  Have you heard about or read Jim Wallis’s book God’s Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and The Left Doesn’t Get It?”

Karen’s one that I hope feels free to speak in the future. She has insight to share that I think we all can learn from.

Check The Date
I’m thinking right now about whether or not there’s a box of baking soda in my freezer. It’s common practice (conventional wisdom) to do so to absorb odors of all those different foods in there and keep them from mingling with each other. But it only works for a couple of months, I think. I don’t know offhand if that thing is in there. I’ll have to look. And I’ll have to unload a handful of things to get to the back. So, I probably WON’T check, and if there is one in there, I’ll probably just leave it alone. It CAN’T be doing any harm, after all.

Rudy and I were talking about how we feel like church right now is in the same situation. There’s a little dense core somewhere deep inside that protects, guides, and “deodorizes” but it quits working after a while. It’d be easier if I kept mine near the front. I could even use a sharpie and write a “change me” date on the box. I’d see it everytime I grabbed some ice, or loaded in some new groceries. Constantly reminding me it’s doing it’s job. But instead, it’s in the back of the freezer, or not there at all.

I’m not going to bang that metaphor anymore, but it works for me in understanding what to do on some level. And Brian McLaren talks about it in the opening of his book, “A New Kind of Christian.” When one paradigm wears out, we have to be willing to abandon it and get a new one. AND do so knowing that it will someday be exhausted too.

What’s Next?
But hey, then there’s always Xzhibit and Ty Pennington. Rudy showed me this article, and I thought it was FANTASTIC. I loved this quote:

“To give the poor a gift that far exceeds their wildest imagination and to give that gift with respect and joy is not just a good thing; it is a new and saving thing…”

All that to say, with my last post and this one, I’m thinking there’s a bunch of us out there. Maybe we’re the Ragamuffins that Brennan Manning hinted at.

Am I frustrated that the only outlet I have now (church) is a place for ANSWERS and not for QUESTIONS? Definitely. But do I think I’m ultimately going to “get there?” Not really. I am honestly just lonely for a group of others who challenge me towards Christ-likedness in a way that makes sense to me the way that so many of the things I listed above make sense to me. And I think it’s okay for us to screw it up a bit in trying!

In her book, “The Artist’s Way” Julia Cameron writes specifically about how perfectionism stunts artistic endeavors: “We’ve all heard that the unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that the UNLIVED life is not worth examining.”

Isn’t that wild? Julia also suggests that “anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly.” I love it. This book uprooted me a couple of years ago–it was great! And let’s face it, writing a novel or a symphony has that same messy marriage of art and science as does the convention of the church. There is objectivity. There is subjectivity. There is form and function. And there’s plenty of room for a HUGE arc of dynamic range in interpreting God’s Word, the mission of Jesus and how it’s supposed to manifest itself in our daily lives while walking on earth.

More on Process and Product
I have a tendency to get enamored with the TOOLS of any given trade. I dig cycling because not only is riding fun, but the mechanics of a bicycle are intriguing to me. I love doing anything on my Mac. Even my accounting–almost. Point is, I love the PROCESS as much or more than I love the PRODUCT.

I’m afraid I (and others of us) can get so caught up in the mechanics of what “church” CAN be that we usurp time from doing the work God intended us to do THROUGH the church. I’m guessing that there’s a balance. Most of you reading this site are bona-fide gear-heads when it comes to church. You’re familiar enough with the parts to see how they should work in concert. And you know when a “wheel’s out of balance” or when the “harddrive needs defragging” or something like that. But as I write this wI wonder if this is one of the cataracts creating a blindspot for me right now. I don’t want to be a church tweaker.

My father-in-law likes to say, “Real engineers ship.” Meaning they don’t sit around all day improving on their schematics and chewing on their R&D. They commit, they act, the produce, and ultimately, they ship. I hold to the fact that “Real followers of Jesus LOVE.” Or ACT. Or MOVE. They don’t sit around pontificating endlessly.

I feel as though I inadvertently took the red pill. Now I have to deal with what that all means. I think church is valid. I think, Dave Ward’s right–there is NOTHING wrong with us wrestling this hard with these things. And I think we’re making progress internally and externally.

In my next post, I’ll share with you a list of “Things that make sense to me” that I’ve been working on lately. It covers all sorts of categories of things from movies/music to ideas and philosophies. I’d love for you to respond below to THESE things above, but maybe start a list you can keep handy of those things that make sense to you.

I Googled “I’m tired of church” and found Katie’s blog

I just read her entry for September 28, 2004 entitled, “Wafflling Religion, Firm Faith.” Here’s my reply.

Tonight we attended a concert by invitation of some friends that was hosted by the local Unitarian church (which I was raised to believe full of people who would go to hell). Ironically, inside their building, I had a “now wait a minute” sense that I shouldn’t have been so quick to write them off back in those days. They respect EVERYBODY. They are taught to LOVE everybody.

Well, exercising my curiosity, I went to the UU church’s website when I got home and I do have conflicts with their “whatever-works-for-you” doctrine. In fact it seems oxymoronic for them to have ANY doctrine. Kind of like a group of non-conformists getting together to celebrate their non-conformity. They become what they are against, and are suddenly FOR nothing at all.

But what I think IS appealing to me is that they’re not quick to judge, and they’re aware of the PRESENT. Plus they just don’t reek of the nascar/proudtobeanamerican/republican/gotowar/don’t read fiction/ christians I find in the conventional churches. Even the “Emerging Church” style movement is the same thing all over again, but with looser social views.

So where is God in all of this? How do I eradicate all those farmers-almanac-style bits of simple advice and lifestyle without coring out my relationship and belief in Jesus? Do I start with a clean slate, and read the bible from beginning to end, THEN read some other classics, and derive a new order for myself, and dare I say, possibly for a reformed church?

Like you, I just want to learn to love God and be his man. I want to reciprocate what Jesus did for me on the cross. And I want to find community of others I can learn from in that pursuit.

Lastly, I’ll say this. There are a BUNCH of us. We need to get together. I don’t mean LITERALLY. I mean, we need to start talking to each other. I’m going to keep my eyes and ears open. Maybe we’ll launch a site or something.

Enough with the convention. Let’s find the path together.

End reply to Katie’s blog

I googled that phrase “I’m tired of church” tonight and didn’t have to read past Katie’s thoughts to feel compelled to come back to this sprawling entry. She said it well enough. The thing is, I’m having a snowballing accumulation of those types of conversations with people. And I don’t mean just generally disgruntled churchgoers. I mean SERIOUSLY disconnected believers who desperately don’t want to stop believing.

Here’s the litmus test. You’re in the club if you can HONESTLY say the following words haven’t NOR COULD EVER come out of your mouth:

(speaking to someone like me) “Eric, there’s NO SUCH THING as a perfect church”"Well, are you seeking God?”"You just need to pray/read/confess/study/meditate/fast/change your diet/take out the trash…..”"God’s only a prayer away!”"Let go and let God!”

Retyping those cliches even gets my dander up. So. Now that I’ve established that…some of you currently able to say phrases like that or watered-down versions and paraphrases of them, be forewarned. You’re NOT in the club. Yet.

Now, back to the title of today’s column…

I actually used the Title phrase in a conversation with Rudy this past week. And wouldn’t you know it–I’ve forgotten the SPECIFIC context. But I know generally it’s in regard to our frustration with trying to understand God TODAY when all we have are YESTERDAY’S tools. Or in most “contemporary” instances, imitations or modded versions of yesterday’s tools.

And for those churches who are “emergent” or are doing something vintage, I’m a bit reminded of a real-estate developer who would buy an old building in a metropolitan area–one that has 75-year-old hardwood floors that creak and are worn, one with a bar that is actually indented from years of patrons leaning their elbows on the rail, and tarnished brass, etc. Then to have a demo crew GUT the building and he replaces the interior with “vintage” furniture and “distressed” paint/finishing and fake antique artifacts like signs, old toys, sporting good stuff, etc. to give it a REAL feeling of yesterday. Well, it might feel old and authentic, but it’s just something that APPEARS that way. The TRUE character has unfortunately been replaced by something absolutely NOT authentic. It’s close, but we know it’s fake.

Rudy and I grew up going to church together, and have both traveled the gamut from “ultra-conservative,” to “throw-the-rules-out-the-window.” I think we both hold dearly the protection we were offered in growing up in that setting, but in the past decade, in our own ways, we have both become PAINFULLY, PAINFULLY aware of the shortcomings that such a black & white mentality has had. I mean, it didn’t take living in the real world for very long at all to discover that things just didn’t fit into such easy boxes as “this is of God” and “this is of the devil” or what have you.

In the past few years of our mid-to-late twenties, Rudy and I have both had times when we’ve not understood the subject of God at all, to the point of agnosticism, because it was apparent that He wasn’t showing up to speak for Himself when we asked him to. It culminated for both of us (and to some degree for our wives as well) in being pissed that we couldn’t SEE God or that we couldn’t FEEL God. Yet in the midst of our weekly routines we’re still going to church, sitting through the sermons and singing the songs.

Kim’s even said that I was like a “worm on a hook” sitting in church, squirming and wanting out of the situation as soon as possible. She was right! I did and can STILL feel the butt twitch, not out of guilt or some sense that I’ve got “unfinished business.” But out of the disappointing awareness that Church is (HERE IT COMES!) “pre-emptively wrought with convention.”

I think what I meant when I said that out-loud to Rudy (and he said I HAD to put the fifty-dollar phrase in my blog) is that when you take a break from church, get that longing to give it another try, and pick a new place to attend, that INSTANTLY, you’re not in a NEW place at all! NO! You’re caught up in a whirlwind of trite, hackneyed ideas. Or so they seem.

We’re now attending a new church that we’ve decided to be a part of warts and all. And I’m seeing the warts. But warts aren’t so bad as long as you toss out the magnifying glass. I’m not crazy about it, but I believe it’s a good place. I just can’t seem to shake this smugness that I’m smarter than everybody else I meet at church. Like they don’t even know….like they don’t even know…hmm….LIKE THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW. How ’bout that? I’m awful!

They’re already sweeping us into their weekly “small groups” and I can smell us being sized up for serving according to our abilities. And that’s fine. I don’t even get nervous anymore when I hear someone fire up that strange vacuum all churches have hidden somewhere that’s guaranteed to try and suck the life out of you.

We’re going to keep at it. Kim and I are going to keep attending. I’ll tell you what happens in the weeks ahead.

In the meanwhile, I want to start to hear from people who are likewise not feeling connected and wondering what it’s all about. Maybe you never EVER had a sense of connection. Maybe someone you know sounds like the gal Katie I mentioned above or like me as you’ve read my writing here. Send them to me. I want to know.

What I’m referring to is a growing trend in amazing scientific practice which gives a couple the ability to choose the sex of their baby. Obviously this is a controversial issue. But aren’t they ALL until the novelty wears off? I know that most reading my posts have been alive since the ultrasound was made mainstream. Occasionally you run into an “old-fashioned” couple that don’t want to know the sex of the baby even when they have an ultrasound during pregnancy.

For $4,000 you can have the medical technicians at MicroSort freeze your sperm and ovum, separate the X’s from the Y’s in the sperm sample, and join several combinations for the hope of a healthy embryo. At that point, they add some sort of Chromosome Mix, shake gently and serve straight up with a twist. Well, I’m kidding about that last part, but it still taps into that same sense of having a bartender make you a cocktail. And if a cosmopolitan makes yo ufeel “special” can you imagine having the power previously only GOD’S domain, to choose the sex of your unborn child?

Granted, It could let you get a jump start on the clearance sales at baby gap, and allow plenty of time for the respective blue or pink paint to dry, but those and other more serious benefits don’t outweigh one VERY subjective opportunity cost.

Cheating the Mystical. Or debunking it. Pulling back the curtain, if you will.

My good friend Rudy pointed out that I have the same disdain for OLD technology (from dial-up internet to the whole phone/answering machine debacle, to snail mail) as older folks may have for all this NEW technology. I immediately agreed. But as I write this, I think my inner-curmudgeon comes out on communication specific stuff–not towards woodworking tools, fine automobiles, and musical instruments. In fact, I get snobby towards the newer stock in those categories–except woodworking tools. My father-in-law gets snobby for me until I know how to use them without wasting valuable wood or digits. And in his book the former outranks the latter.

Okay, now I’m all the way off the track. But not without purpose.

We are an advancing culture. PROGRESS is so innate we don’t have to pedal too hard to stay ahead regardless of our endeavors. So, there’s no fighting progress. My questions is that when we make discoveries like this, and discover the secret to yet ANOTHER of nature’s sleight-of-hand maneuvers, aren’t we depleting our ability to trust in the BEYOND.

Those dusty nomadic Jews wandering the same sands that are now so wrought with military activity had no problem ascribing the unexplainable to not just the existence of God (pretty much an inarguable to them) but also to His vast superiority to their simple selves. I mean, Yahweh was Yahweh to them simply by the change of the seasons or a bountiful crop.

But if we have the power to not just eradicate certain cancers, but choose the sex of our babies, what is left out there for us to figure out? I know, plenty, but don’t you feel like saying “what will they think of next?” on such a regular basis?

I want the mystical in my life. In fact I need it. I know my friend Rudy does as well, because I hear him saying these days that he doesn’t see or hear God anywhere. Cue all the well-meaning Christians with their simple cliches! And as soon as they’re finished, let’s talk some more about THINGS SUPERNATURAL. I think it’s important for us to heighten our awareness. We need a sense of wonder or we risk dying in the boredom of a world where we can do ALL THINGS ourself without any help from a higher power.

What helps you keep in touch with the mystical? What USED to work? What do you wish worked for you?