EricNentrup.com

Newt Gingrich was on “The Daily Show” recently. Stewart to nudging Newt to announce his intent to bid for the GOP’s nom in 2008, but like a good politician, he not only refrained (and redirected) but pointed out that the LAST guy to announce on Stewart’s show finished FOURTH! Before he did that though, Gingrich said something true, interesting and genuinely insightful about our political climate. Talking about how entrenched the two big parties are, he said our country needs reform, and it won’t come from WITHIN Washington–that it MUST be a grassroots approach from outside the beltway.

He’s right. I don’t know about all that Washington and political talk at all. But he’s right about how “reform” happens at the ground-level, OUTSIDE of the thing that’s been established. Of course, I’m lifting this and applying it to church. But isn’t it true? Doesn’t the way we do church need reformed? And wouldn’t you agree that when change occurs to an “institution” it has to be from the outside-in, without a “Church Council” meeting handing down the changes or the paid Pastoral Staff doing it, but the through humble external sources convicted and brave enough to do so? I am certainly preaching to myself with this thought.

I recently and finally finished “The Call” by Os Guinness. Two quotes, I want your take on:

“Without individuals, nothing happens. Without institutions, nothing survives.”

So, I concede that we MUST have both: clear-minded, spirit-led individuals AND malleable progressive corporate bodies. And both need to be HEALTHY, which means, constantly changing, moving forward, shedding dead cells, building new ones.

Second Os quote:

“Semper Reformanda (Always Reforming). We are always in need of reformation. Today our deepest need is not just for reformation, but for reformation of reformation.”

It was his use of the latin Semper Reformanda that snagged my attention. It’s meansAlways Reforming and I love what that means. You might know the US Marine Corps credo “Semper Fidelis” often shortened to “Semper Fi” and meaning, “Always Faithful.”

Some years ago, my buddy Todd Leinberger was explaining the core value that his staff at Spring Hill Camps has written: “Change is a part of our fabric.” I think the use of “fabric” is important–that imagery of woven threads which as the sum of their parts or individual strands form an altogether NEW material to be used as an ingredient in another plan.

Of course, I LOVE the idea of change in THEORY more than in practice. And of course I wan others to change much more than I’m willing to change myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be as lazy as I am, I wouldn’t be overweight, and I’d have TONS of money dilligently stashed away in the bank. The thing is I don’t WANT to change as much as I think I do. I truly don’t. Or maybe it’s that I CAN’T–or it’s just plain natural for me NOT to change in any way. What I’ve noticed though, is this mechanism where I change because I have no other choice. I don’t decide to make changes because of my whimsy to wear glasses instead of my contacts or wear the blue shirt instead of the black one. I change because it evolves into a matter of survival. Not life and death, but if I want to CONTINUE to survive (without serious detriment or setbacks that would mean ADDITIONAL changes) I need to affect change in my routine, my lifestyle, even my belief system.

I saw this hand written quote on a note card a couple months ago: “We only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing.” Sounds like the path of least resistance to me. Honestly, the pain I’m tired of dealing with is the fact that tying my shoes was a lot easier without a chubby gut. I’m not CRAZY overweight, but when I’m AWARE of the mass that I carry and realize I don’t HAVE to carry it, I want to change it. To bad I love cooking. I’m okay with it if I don’t ever lose the extra weight. Like I said, it doesn’t really inhibit me, I just know where I SHOULD be and am not there. I’m sure there are PLENTY of other areas in my existence that could use as much change.

The past few years, I’ve noticed myself feeling comforted whenever I’d meet someone else who “gets it.” You know what I mean? Getting it most likely means something different to you, but I’d bet my hat that you have some presumption that your definition is the universal one. I know I think that way. I haven’t even said yet what I think people are getting. Well, I haven’t in this post, but if you scroll down a bit, you know I’m pretty obsessed with noticing whether or not other folks around me “get it.”

Defining it’s a moot point. For one, the definition is always changing (semper reformanda!). For another, I can boil down ALL OF OUR definitions with this one: WE WANT EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND US TO THINK THE WAY WE DO. Problem is, if we actually achieved it, that day would mark the beginning slide into a long season of depression, I believe. It would be VERY disappointing to not have anybody challenging your thinking.

I know for a FACT that some of you literally depend on that conflict. Not with hostility, but you NEED others to think differently than you just to give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I can empathize. I’ve also met people who have been SO beaten by other people’s opinions that they clam up in the face of such opposition. It’s truly a threat.

I think about those closest to me whom I know are resistant to change and I’ll admit it causes a knee-jerk reaction in me where I resent them a bit for that. That’s my natural response. It’s a deliberate effort on my part to know that their hesitancy is NOT a detractor from their character. That I don’t have to take their resistance personally.

And as I think about wrapping up this article, my mind is already more consumed with the knowledge that I really ought to go get a workout squeezed in before this evening’s dinner plans. Consider it a pre-emptive effort, not a reduction tactic.

Every Sunday morning, I run out in my jammies to grab the paper. I subscribe to the Indianapolis Star–well, up until I cancelled it this week. I am disappointed EVERY week when I flip it open. Of course, I like the ads from the electronics stores. And occasionally, some story catches my attention, but for the most part, I’m paying for something I’m not using, only to toss it away. Kind of like the asparagus I wasted last week. My feeling is the same whether it’s a slightly not-so-mainstream vegetable or an inch-and-a-half of pulp paper going wanh-wah-wanh-wah, wan-wah. No I’m not illiterate (and I DO like asparagus). I just have a hard time caring about what’s going on around the state of Indiana. I’m not the most committed Hoosier. I guess that’s okay since my days as one are numbered, but I doubt I’ll be much more of a statesman in Colorado–but maybe I will.

I was having lunch with a buddy recently and I noticed how much he’d comment on improvements he’d like to make in our town of Columbus, as well as eventually have influence on the state-level. I admired him for it. It reminded me of an insight another friend made that first made me aware of my lack of local interest. Then I realized, some of us are near-sighted, and some of us are far-sighted. And I guess, yes, some of us have 20/20. I’m not talking literally, but about what focal planes our eyes are fixed upon. And I guess it might be different categorically, not just geo-political. But the bottom-line is that he didn’t focus on the things I did, nor did I focus on the things he did, yet together, we have perfect vision.

Differences in how we see things has gone from being divisive, for me, to being something that makes life GENUINELY interesting. Brother Maynard posted a fun survey recently, that srot of shows you where you fit in by modern theological measures. Here’s how I shook down:

Eric’s Theological WorldView (according to QuizFarm.com)

What’s your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Post your results in the comments, and we’ll see just what we can learn!

Josh Brunet sent me this illustration. He’s a TREMENDOUSLY gifted visual artist and I wanted to make sure I gave him props for sharing this with me. He’s done a series of these on spec for a children’s book. I not only wish I could draw this well, but wish I could somehow write a post today with this as my inspiration or starting point. But I can’t. Or won’t. I respect Josh’s abilities too much! You could, however, right-click and save it for your desktop! Thanks, Josh. I’m sorry it’s taken me more than a month to upload it.

Which goes to show you–I am a procrastinator. In fact, I’m convinced I’ll eventually need to postpone my death because I’ll have things to finish that I had put off. Lately, I’ve felt the frustration of my procrastination from my wife who has been regularly writing on her blog whereas I have slacked off. Oh, it’s definitely NOT her fault. You’d have to understand the relational dynamic of how a procrastinator often marries a person who is QUITE the opposite. Kim and I are NO different from that stereotype. She is typically quite diligent with her work regardless if its writing or cleaning the house. And the grace she gives me for being so lazy when it’s my turn to wash the dishes is amazing. I should also say that God teaches me about urgency, timeliness, and NOT being lazy through my relationship with Kim. I can’t imagine how awful I’d be without her influence and motivation.

Truth is, I’m afraid of writing. It seems like each time I write here, the stakes raise. Part of it’s exhilarating, part scares the crap out of me. And the latter often eclipses the former. Kim and I talk about it a fair share, but it’s usually her that’s more honest about it than me. I put on my poker face and blame my pseudo-busy schedule for not writing more frequently.

Last night, I was reading in Don Miller’s “Searching For God Knows What”. He had a great comment on Original Sin, The Fall, and what really happened in the Garden of Eden. One splinter of thought that’s connecting other fragments of ideas for me right now are Miller’s words about us being wired to receive our sense of identity from OUTSIDE of ourselves. And on THIS side of the Garden, we’re going to first look to other people to do that for us. And this isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s simply God’s intent in His design. Of course, the problem is that with our freedom to choose, thereby our freedom to BETRAY, we are in a constant war with the unseen to keep God as the source for our need to know who we are in lieu of something else. To subvert a popular analogy, it’s not so much that we all have a God-shaped hole inside of ourselves, as much as it is that WE ARE God-Shaped holes. Made in His image, containers for His “glory.”

Yesterday, CNN played a story on U2 and rolled a clip of Bono talking about his role as an activist. I mean, who HASN’T seen some of these clips of him in Africa, or meeting the Pope, etc.? But the clip that caught my attention was the one where he talks about his dual roles as Celebrity and Activist. He said the first role came easy for him (as it would for MOST of us). And then he said he HAD to do the second role. He didn’t want to make those visits to Africa, lobby world leaders for various causes, etc. but that he HAD to. And for him the bridge between these two worlds was that Rock ‘n’ Roll’s greatest potential was to CHANGE THE WORLD. To affect change. And on my best day, that’s why I write. When I don’t feel like I CAN affect change, I’m scared to write. I’m afraid I’m just another soap-boxer wasting my time and breath. So here I am realizing my extrinsic need for things outside me to tell me who I am, and my wannabe-rockstar-ambition to affect change in the world.

Twice now I’ve used the word AFFECT and have intentionally done so. I find it interesting how we typically use the word “effect” when we mean “affect”. I’m mulling over this notion that we live an “Affectable Existence.” And I know that “affectable” isn’t really a word (yet). But as I’ve watched the past season of movement in my own heart, and in the lives of others around me, I’ve been very aware of our tendency to be changed. So, I like the word I’ve frankensteined together to express that. We’re affectable. The weather, people, and all sorts of stuff mishmash everyday and AFFECT change to our plans, intents, agendas, and whimsies. And I know from experience that plain old probability will make a portion of these changes in our lives experiences of pain and suffering. It’s just a matter of time. I have yet to meet someone who has completely lucked out and not had to deal with some make or measure of pain and suffering. Hopefully there’s more peaks than valleys, but so far in life, I’m guessing that at the end of my time on Earth, it all comes out awash.

I’m tempted to go on talking about pain and suffering. They’re quite a duo. And they’re also something I’m quite efficient at avoiding. EVEN KNOWING the good and true and real things that can come out of them, I’ll go to great lengths to avoid them. But more importantly, today, I’m interested in just acknowledging that that’s on one extreme and peace, happiness, and shiny things are on the other end of the continuum.

You’ve recently watched me celebrate the end of a LONG LONG LONG desert-like chapter of my life where I was experiencing pain and suffering. Not an intense, acute pang, but a dull, chronic sense of hurt that is only bad enough to remind you it’s there. And as only God’s timing would have it, this season has ended for me while others around me have dealt with some of the most excruciating circumstances. I’ve watched my two closest friends deal with broken relationships simultaneously. I’ve seen them suffer and question their loss. I’ve cried with them, expressed my frustration for how the other person hurt my loved one. I’ve taken sides, meddled, and had to apologize for letting my anger get the better of me when I should’ve been listening to my hurting friends. I was truly amazed at the way how the relationships my friends had lost even affected me. And I wrongly felt like I deserved a say in the matter because of that.

Then I realized I’ve done the same thing to others. Being the selfish human I am, when it hits the fan in my life, I’m most apt to run away from it or deny it or use my super powers of procrastination to avoid it. I get pissy, I have even steered clear of people whom I associate with whatever that center of frustration is in my life. Only after this passes have I seen my mistake and how foolish I was to ransom those relationships because I didn’t FEEL like they were relevant or helpful or useful to me. Stupid. I’ve been very fortunate. I can think of specific times when I’ve done this to some of my dearest friends and they’ve taken me back. I can’t believe it. Lonnie, Chris, even Rudy, and of course, MY PARENTS, I thank you guys for your grace to ME when I’ve completely thrown our relationship out the window. Thank you.

But, the pain I’ve felt and continue to feel for both my wife and friend seems like it’s not enough. And I wish I could promise, expect, or wave a magic wand and fix broken relationships for Kim, Rudy, and pretty much everybody else I know. To rewind, erase, even REWRITE those scenes! And I realize that’s not only impossible for me to do, but not right either. I can’t do that, as I’ve learned from experiences in well-intended meddling.

I think that there are only ever two beings in a relationship. Again, it’s part of God’s design. Sure, there are other affiliations between MORE than two people, but I have to think the phrase “it takes two to tango” may mean not just a minimum but a maximum as well. I know that rifts can occur in a group of people but it sure seems like it’s a collection of one-on-one relationships that can make the big divide occur.

On this side of Eric’s Great Awakening, I’ve realized what’s changed most. The change has not been as much my relationship with God, but my relationship with others. Yes, it IS my relationship with God, but THAT gets most often played out through my relationship with others, you know? I’m finding myself STILL in that same place of frustration with issues, topics, institutions, what-have-you. It’s not my relationship with issues that have changed, it’s my relationships with other people. Through that, I’m seeing just how much God loves me, and treasures the tremendous value in our relationship.

In these changing relationships, others have taught me that even though I can be affected painfully by things, and that even though I can take it out on my relationships with God and others, the greatest thing about this “affectable creation” is the fact it’s REDEEMABLE. I don’t think our human relationships always get “redeemed.” Sometimes they do, but often they don’t. And by redeemed I mean “returned to the way they were.” But our Core Relationship with God DOES enter a state of TRUE redemption. Jesus STARTED that process, and yes, He WILL finish this restoration. I don’t think it’s over. I think redeeming our core relationship with God is an on-going process while we’re on earth, not a line we cross. I think that’s why Jesus said, “follow me.”

Along the way, the relationships we have with others, I feel, reveal to us more and more of the heft, the gravity, the sheer and utter completeness of THE Relationship Jesus has with each of us. That’s what I’m thinking about. How much His love won’t let us get away, won’t let us go. Yet, we’re free to do so, and sadly choose to exercise that terrible, awful yet breathtakingly beautiful freedom.

So I’ve ended up here. Talking about these bits and pieces of observations, having preached to myself more than anybody else. I suppose if I can affect MYSELF, by getting it out of my head and you’re holding me accountable to it, I’m not banging a drum uselessly. I’m opening myself up so God can say, “Hmm! You’re MY CHILD. THAT’S who you are!”

There’s not much wrong with that.